thoughts of the past

so many things have changed for me this year... some days I say most are great...

some days I think that some are rough...

but I am learning a could of things as well...

 

1) joy is a CHOICE

2) sometimes whether something is good or bad is up to PERSPECTIVE

 

At the beginning of 2012, I was thrilled with the strong amount of close friends I thought I had. I had several little groupings of friends who got together and enjoyed dinners out and fun time. I loved my job. I enjoyed my home. I was expectant of a wonderful year in many ways.

 

At the beginning of 2012, I was ashamed of myself physically. I knew that I had tried in many ways to change my body and was feeling hopeless. I was frustrated with our search for a church that could meet the needs of my teenagers spiritually and socially. I was wanting a change. I was not hopeful that I would find success in either area.

 

Throughout my year, many things happened both to me and around me. I have found a wonderful home for my children in a church that had been under my nose for over 10 years. Scott and I are adjusting to the many changes that it brings and are finding a home there. I am continuing to enjoy our home and working to continue to fix the things as they come up in our 35+ old home. I am enjoying a re-kindling of sorts with friends of my past and sad to see some friendships fade. I am reminded that 2013 is coming and it will bring more changes.

 

So much of my blog and most of my thoughts over the last six months have been concerned with my weight loss...  It has been a topic of huge importance to me and my immediate family. I am healthier than I thought possible. I weigh less today than I did the day I got married in 1993. At this moment, I am wearing a pair of pj bottoms from my mother Christmas morning that are size medium, and they fit. I enjoy getting out of the house and playing with my kids. I enjoy shopping for myself for the first time in my marriage. I now shop weekly with a friend and actually try on clothing and laugh in a dressing room. So much about the weight loss has been wonderful and fun... just yesterday, I was shopping with my kids (yes, all three of them - I had a temporary brain loss). When my daughter was complaining that her jeans were a little loose... we discovered that they were MINE... she was devastated - I LAUGHED and GIGGLED for the rest of the day... who would have thought that would have ever happened!?!?

 

however, the weight loss has come at a price.

 

I am ending 2012 feeling better about myself and feeling more confident. I am ending this year having found a youth group for my teens that they love. My little professor has a Sunday School teacher who "gets" his little professor-self and is learning how to teach him creatively and he loves her. I am ending 2012 continuing to work with an amazing group of ladies whom I love and keep me on my toes. I am ending the year with my husband of over 19 years and falling in love with him again even today. I am ending 2012 with three healthy, challenging, funny, quirky, silly, loud children. I will finish this year with so much to be thankful for and happy over.

 

however, I will end this year with a sense that several friendships have changed. I have tried to teach my children over the years that friendships are like roller coasters. I have blogged about it before. I have told my sweet daughter that her best friends of today may be not as close tomorrow. Friendships will strengthen and fade in cycles. It will be fun and it will hurt.... yet, nothing prepared me for it as an adult. I have seen several friendships fade this year, and their leaving hurts me still. I hope that 2013 will bring us all back together, and it will bring us back stronger than ever.

 

I read a book several years ago titled "Boundaries". A wonderful friend gave me the book as I was walking through a very hard time. I have picked the book back up this month... I think it is a wonderful reminder that I choose to be content. I choose to be happy. I choose.

 

So, as 2013 rides in this week for a thrilling, wild, twelve month ride....

I choose to be expectant.

I choose to look towards the horizon with happiness and a prayer for those close to me.

 

2013 will be amazing... I just know it!

mostest bestest season

I love Christmas.... I love the smells, the laughter, the hopes, the story, memories from past Christmases, and the thrill of hunting for each person to have that special gift...

 

This year was no disappointment! Each child enjoyed ripping through paper and throwing tissue balls at each other. I was pleased as they each said their "thank yous" after each gift... seeing the crazy hugs at the end of the openings just cracked me up as they always do. I was surprised as usual that the gifts that I think will be the favorites are not always correct...

 

This year I was correct with my girl - she has always wanted real UGG boots... but mommy refused to pay crazy amounts of money for shoes that she could only wear for 4-6 months due to weather and growth. But her feet have stopped growing! She has had the same size for about a year now - so she had asked for some cute buttoned boots at old navy, yet her mother had shopped eBay and found some UGGs for less... the squealing commenced. I loved every second.

 

I was also correct about my oldest. He has wanted over-the-ear headphones all year. He wanted Beats by Dr Dre... not happening. They are over $200. I searched eBay and had no luck... but he had a "back-up" plan. He had borrowed some from a friend and had fallen in love with some skullcandy ones with a bass booster... Santa found them on sale at Amazon.com... Alex has worn them around his neck constantly ever since. We do ask him to remove them for meals and church... "but I am not even listening to anything..." We have had to let him know that they are not jewelry....

 

Yet, with my little professor... I was wrong. I had searched and searched... I found five or six amazing books about animals or predators or amazing bugs or a pixar encyclopedia or science facts. I had purchased the Gothum City jail to go with the bat cave and several new figurines to play with. I got a couple of Lego sets (new recent discovery for him and strong love)... he like them all, and seemed thrilled... then, he opened his final present.... you know, the one... the one that I had wished he had not held till his last because it was a simple $5 gift that was not the one I wanted to "end" his unwrapping experience...

                     ...a week before Christmas, I was shopping with Pickle (friend with great

                     nickname - another time, another blog entry)... we were in GAP kids. I saw

                     a bucket of digital watches. The only blue one they had was dead. So, in true

                    "Atkins form" I went to the manager and asked for a deal. I bought the dead watch

                    for $5, proceeded across the mall to buy a new battery for it - thought that he

                    would like it....

Caleb screamed, "Finally, I am a big kid and have a watch!" He has let us know the time just about every 2-4 minutes since opening it. He chooses his shirts based on what will work well with his watch. He does not take it off. He pulls his shirt down over the watch while washing his hands so it get wet, but NOT the watch.... He loves it.

I love Christmas - this year was very different for me, but I have found pleasure in the same ways as years past and discovered some new fun as well...

 

In past years, I loved the baking and all of the traditional foods of Christmas. This year, I enjoyed the cooking and baking, but did not eat the stuff... I concentrated more on sitting back at the table and listening to the chatter and enjoying the laughter of my kids. On Christmas Eve, I made sure that I was in charge of the non-sweet items... I brought the veggie tray, chicken tray, cheese ball, chili dip and crackers... then made sure to stay on my side of the table. I found that it was not hard. I listened more. I laughed more. I posed for more pictures willingly. I never once pulled a child in front of me for a photo... not because I am at a place where I don't need them in front of me, but because after 41 years I.AM.HAPPY.WITH.MYSELF.  It is a very freeing experience.

 

We have not attended a Christmas Eve service since our former church left it's original location of Holt School Rd... but this year, we attended a new church service. It was my original intention to attend a service. Then as the service drew closer, my daughter was asked to help... then my oldest was asked... Then I learned that the professor would be able to help as a shepherd as well... and wouldn't you know it, as Scott walked in the door, he was asked to help out as Joseph! So, my parents and I sat on the second row and witnessed a hilariously fun Christmas pageant with my entire family in it. It was wonderful. The Advent candles were explained (had never heard about each one) and the children were wonderful. We now have a new tradition....

 

So, in closing... Christmas will continue to be my absolute favorite time of year. It is a time where I can concentrate on the people I love. I can visit with them, listen to their laughter, spend a lot of quality time with them, decorate and then travel around to see all of the beautiful lights of our city, and love... just love. I understand for several friends of mine that this is a hard time of year... I pray that maybe I helped it to be a little less unhappy...

 

because it is the mostest bestest season of the year.....

new old Santa

I love Christmas... I really really do...

I love the lights, the trees, the music, the laughter and the shopping for the perfect gift...

This year, my kids decorated our family tree...

 I love it... From the sparkly reds (my favorite color) to the numerous Santas... I love my tree!

This year, I have added several Santas... I do every year. Some are made by my children, some are gifts from family and friends, some are given to me by my students... I love all of them. The jolly old man brings warmth to my heart and a smile to my face... He represents giving to me... the true art of giving... finding that special gift and then bringing that huge smile or squeal to the my kids...

I have a new Santa... the most special one of the year... from a special friend of many years...

 

 

Many years ago, her father hand painted this for her... This has been a wonderful memory for her over the years...

 

She knew that I collect Santas... This will be a memory for me for the future...

 

I have whimsical Santas, vintage Santas, blown glass Santas, handmade by my children Santas... all are wonderful reminders of the jolly old man who lights up children's faces bringing them the one special gift that they had no idea that they wanted... My childhood memories of Santa are amazing... I visited him at every mall and would want to sit with him for hours. When I was young, Santa came before I was asleep and delivered my first tricycle and my Baby Alive doll... Santa taught me how to give a gift expecting nothing in return. I still love searching high and low, racking my brain to think of a perfect gift, and then delivering a little token that will make my loved one smile and know that I love them...

 

This Santa will shine brightly on my tree this year... He reminds me of a friend's love for me... She searched high and low, racked her brain, and then delivered this little treasure to me today...

 

I am smiling... she loves me... Thank you, R... It could not be any more perfect.

different levels...

My three children all go to the same school - I have three different "levels" of achievement... I have a well-above average child, an average ("B") child, and a child who struggles to come up with low C's...

School work is a struggle in our home... The B kid does his/her work without asking questions, usually in the quiet of his/her own room... The C student complains and does not want to do anything because there is no hope in passing... The A student wants helps, asks questions, and wants you to check the work 10 times to make sure that it is right...

Then report cards come... The C student will not even get the card out of the book bag until forced... The B student will remember right before leaving for the next day of school... The A student wants you to go over it with a fine tooth comb and explain everything... "did I do the best I could, mom?"

However, when it is close to a holiday... the B student looks forward to every break... the C student counts down the minutes and moments... the A student is happy to have Christmas, but why do we need so much time off?


School is not the strong point for everyone - as parents, we have to find the strengths and push for them... it is hard to remember that this is not always school...

I saw a quote once that said something about "we are all smart, but if we are all tested on how well we spoke German, most would fail. Test us on what we excel at..."

Its a shame schools can't do that....