October 22, 2013

time after time

I have to remind myself that I make the same mistakes over and over again...

I swear off cussing... then something happens or I stump my toe, and "it's back"...
I swear off carbs... then I see Outbacks' brown bread loaf, and "it's back"...
I swear that I will not allow myself to be manipulated... then I get the phone call, and the next thing I know I am back to doing things out of guilt and a feeling of obligation that is fabricated.

So, I should not be surprised when I see the very weaknesses in my children...
They are just as human and created out of the very same flesh as I...
They have no desire to be in trouble any more than I...
They want to be loved and accepted the same as I...


we are the same...
different struggles, same result...
 
 
Lord, help me to be more patient when I see my own faults in my children. Help me to be able to guide them to the cross instead of the horrible words and guilt that I instinctively throw at them...

Help me to be able to demonstrate grace...
the very same grace that You extend to me time after time....
 
 
 
 
~ALS

October 13, 2013

in reality

It has been a long time since I blogged.
 
  • Life is crazy and busy.
  • I celebrated a year of change.
  • I sent my youngest to second grade and changed his school.
  •  I went through weeks of trying to set up my teens' schedules and then moved them to a new high school.
  • I celebrated 20 years of marriage.
  • I started back as the music and creative mov't teacher for my preschool...

those are just the bullet points...

In reality, my teens are happy. I spent MONTHS struggling over what would be the best decision for them. With one entering high school for the first time and one starting his junior year, I wanted to be sure to not "go with my gut". I wanted to be informed and get it right. Their new school is not perfect... but it is perfect for them. They both have teachers that they LOVE and one that they can tolerate barely... They both have found a nucleus of friends to hang out with during lunch and from class to class. Their grades are good and their extra time is quickly being filled with homework, projects, and fun things with friends. The texting has increased and so have the laughs. I am relieved and thanking the Lord for the right decision.

In reality, my young one is bored. He loves his teacher. He has great friends in his class and genuinely likes his teacher. He just says that there is a lot of talking and lecturing and no learning... we call him the professor for a reason. He adores music and his music teacher. His art teacher is a special lady as well... Those classes keep his head above water and keep him sane - add them to a twice a week visit to the library for fresh reading material, and he is enjoying school. He also changed schools this year. He is back at his original school. He compares it to coming home. He was thrilled to tell me that the principal said goodbye to him one day BY NAME... cracked me up. He doesn't understand that I have been friends with the principal for about 14 years!

In reality, I have been married for 20 years. Now, we did not truly celebrate... I think we exchanged cards to each other while passing thru the kitchen from one activity to another. Most would stop and say, "wow, that's terrible"... but that is how our life is. Doesn't mean that either one of us loves the other any less. We are at a busy time in our lives. Three kids in three different directions. He is in a band and a leader in boy scouts. We both work and try to be at church as much as possible. It is possible and probable that we are juggling too many balls in the air, but none are falling yet. Twenty years ago, we were busy. He was in graduate school, and I was teaching high school. He worked at a hotel from 10pm-7am, and I coached cheerleading through out football and basketball seasons. We were very involved in our church and choirs.... today is no different. It is how we are wired... It works most of the time... but I am still looking forward to eating out at some point together and celebrating over 20 years with a good man, hard worker, and good father.

In reality, I love my job. I get paid to play games and sing silly songs... the kids are funny, cute and say things that I should write down because it could fill a book. The friendships that I have received from this job are incredible. I have a nucleus of ladies surrounding me who are wonderful. I am a blessed lady that I get to spend my mornings Monday thru Fridays with cute kids and great friends.

As for my life changes... a little over a year ago I chose to make huge changes in my life. They have not been easy. I have lost some weight. I have changed some eating habits. I have tried to exercise. I am attempting to get my entire family to move more and eat less... it became an obsession. I am pulling back... not from my changes, but from forcing them on my kids as well... all three kids have had their physicals this month... all three kids got graded "perfect" from their doctors and I was told to relax... I struggle because I was fat. I have struggled with my self image for years and do not want my children to face this struggle too... It is a relief to hear that we are all doing well and moving in the right direction...

In reality, I love to blog... but life got in the way... I am back. I will return to my writings... they keep me sane...