a new day

a big day

When I was growing up, my dad would wake me and we would sneak to the kitchen... Some years, I would make toast and cereal. Some years, we would go elaborate... never knowing that my mother had gotten out of bed, gotten dressed and applied her make up, put on her robe and gotten back into bed all to let me surprise her. We would give flowers and gifts. I knew that she was my biggest fan and closest buddy. She was the glue that held my life together. She attended every event of my life (still does). She was the world to me. And I knew that one day I wanted to be just like her.

then I got married

When we were married, I wanted kids immediately. We were married in August and I went off birth control within six months... when I was not pregnant in February, I went to a doctor and explained to him that I needed three sons by age 25 (I was 22). Doctors laughed, but agreed to help me. Tests were done. So many exams were given. I drove to Atlanta to a specialist for over two years... Then we moved to NC and I saw specialists in Chapel Hill... until...

a sad day

The Wednesday before Mother's Day in 1997, I found out I was pregnant. I did not tell Scott. Instead, I bought baby items and planned to tell him Friday night... but Friday started with cramping... but Friday afternoon, I was no longer pregnant and had a very different story to tell him when he arrived home from work to find me on the bathroom floor in tears. Two days later I had to go to church because of "jobs" that we had during the service - it was a horrible Mother's Day... I hated mother's day and thought that I always would.

a new day

Little did I know that a couple of weeks after my miscarriage, a beautiful boy would be born on the other side of the world... and he was mine. In October 1998, Scott and I went to Penza, Russia and picked up our son. And then to the amazement and disbelief  of our doctors, I gave birth to our daughter six months later... Mother's Day 1999 was the best day ever. It was all I dreamed of my entire life... yes, I was 28 and the mother of two amazing babies... and then in 2005, we were blessed with our third miracle, our second son.

Life doesn't work out the way you plan... I did get my three kids... but I had planned for three sons, and I am so glad that God saw a different plan and gave me a girl to help me balance our home. I had planned to have all three before age 26... but God wanted me to be 35 for Caleb's birth and that meant that I continued to be a preschool teacher instead of going back to school - and I am so incredibly blessed that happened. 

Mother's day means many things to many people. Growing up, it meant a celebration of the lady who was everything to me... then it became a very dark and sad day for me for a few years... but now, it is a celebration for me - both to honor my own mother who continues to cheer for me from her house across the street and to celebrate my three kids who are almost all grown and hardly need me now...

Happy Mother's Day to all of the ladies here... Some of you have children in your home, some in your lives... but we can all mentor and love the children around us, guide them, and help them grow into amazing people... 

I am so glad that I was given the gift of being the mom to 

Scott Alexander, Jessica Erin, and Caleb Walker... 

They are my world... 

not for the weak

As a young adult, I so desperately wanted to make my own choices. I knew that I actually understood what was going on. When things went wrong for me, I ran home... home was where I could find support and truth. Home was safe and protected.

As a mother, I so desperately want to make all of the choices for my children. I know that I actually understand what is going on. When things go wrong for them, I want them to run home. Home is where I will offer support and truth. Home is where they will always be safe and protected.

I wish that knowledge, life mistakes, successes, and life experiences were hereditary... Motherhood would be easier on my heart if I could save them heartache by letting them see how I overcame mine.

No one warns you about parenting... A nurse hands you the little bundle in the white, thin blanket with two light blue stripes and one little pink stripe. They test your car seat, show you how to bath them, watch you feed them, and then push you in your wheelchair to your car and send you home with well wishes... 

Parenting is not for the weak. 

a different Easter

this will be a different Easter...

we have not been shopping for new Easter outfits - instead, we will attend church in lounge clothes or pajamas

we will not attend church in our beautiful sanctuary with stained glass windows and beautiful communion - instead, we will gather around the TV and watch our pastor deliver our Easter message online

we will not shake the hands and hug the necks of loved ones in church - instead, we will write notes on the "live chat" space and send texts to church members throughout the message

we will not wait in line for lunch having forgotten to make reservations anywhere - instead, we will order takeout from a small local restaurant trying to help them during this hard time

this will be a different Easter...

Covid19 has effected everyone on this planet... It has caused companies to falter,  people to lose their jobs, families to be unable to visit together, and people have died. Schools have closed. Colleges have gone strictly online. Food Pantries have been cleaned out and restocked.

And yet, it has also brought together people. Groups of people are ordering take out from restaurants they have never been to in order to help them stay in business. People have come together to raise money and food in order to serve the children of the school system who depend on school meals to keep them full. People who have been placed at home from work have started sewing masks for nurses and doctors and essential workers. Neighbors are walking around the neighborhood more now and are meeting new people from a distance. Families are staying home together and are playing games and doing crafts together.

this will be a different Easter...

However, the Easter story remains the same. Jesus Christ was beaten, crucified, then hung on a cross for me and for you. He died and was laid in a tomb. He paid the penalty for my sins and for your sins. On the third day, He rose again. His death and resurrection are the reasons we can one day stand before God and be welcomed into heaven... 

He is risen, He is risen indeed.