silent mover

My oldest is special... He has always gotten excited by the strangest little things... then seems to be completely unmoved at obvious things...

 

examples 

• At the age of two and a half, he could lay on the front sidewalk for thirty minutes while watching tiny ants... huge smile on his face and would not move

• from his first roller coaster (age 5) to present times, he looks like he may fall asleep on any roller coaster regardless of how many hills, dips, or upside downs... he gets off of the ride saying it was amazing, but looks like he is bored.
• while three years old, he could tight rope walk across the TOP of the swing set, jump off or slide down the pole while screeching or land a flip on a trampoline at age 5
• he could open his window, slide out under the window screen, cross the street, go behind my parents' home, count deer, come back home, slide under screen, close window and get back into bed... he was 8, 9, and 10... it was between 2-4AM... silently
• everyday normal activities are done with big noises, huge movement (like skipping with big hops down the hall to brush teeth), stomping like a herd of cattle when it is time for a meal, hollering like you are calling pigs when feeding the dogs...

My oldest also rarely sleeps. When he was little, he was a sleep-walker. We would find him standing in the middle of the kitchen (his favorite room in the house). He has been known to get up, make a sandwich, eat it, and go to bed - but he never cleaned up the crumbs and knives while asleep. He would stay up for hours coloring, designing things on graph paper, make lists of things he wanted to do, write notes to his father and me, play with legos, put together puzzles on the floor of his closet...etc. At an early age, he learned how to stuff a towel or shirt at the bottom of his door, so we could not see that his light was on.... scary.

 

 

However last night was a first...

I rarely get to say that, so let me say this again...

 

Last night was a first.

 

I last saw him at midnight... then stayed outside his room for at least 15 minutes or so to "make sure" that he was asleep...

 

At 6:15am, I went in to wake him up. I found the ENTIRE room has been re-arranged. Everything from his bed, his rug, his desk, dresser with mirror, tall dresser, 7ft tall bookcase, desk with plastic mat, posters, UNC flags... everything is in a new place. This is heavy furniture people... big stuff... his bed is heavy iron. The dressers are solid wood, well-built heavy pieces that I stained myself 15 year ago. The bookcase is COVERED with books, lego creations, knickknacks, and stuff....

 

He looked up and said, "isn't it cool?"

 

what do you say to that?

 

I have no idea what in the world his future has for him. I can not imagine the job that he will one day hold. I still can not even imagine him living anywhere other than his little cave inside my house. But, I have to say...

 

he is a silent mover... when he wants to be

Happy Birthday to my Sis!

I always wanted a big brother or sister.... I am an only child. It was good and horrible.... sometimes you get lonely, but then again you never had to share... Yet, when my parents would ask if I wanted a sibling, I always answered the same way

 

"I want an OLDER sibling"

 

My parents never gave in to my begging though.

 

So, I had to wait until 1993... When I was married, I was blessed with an older brother and an older sister... I GOT BOTH! Now, we have always lived far away from each other, but it never mattered. I have always felt as though I was a part of their lives. I have learned from them, been counselled by them, loved by them, corrected by them... and so on.

 

This weekend is my sister's birthday... I could make jokes about how she is getting sooooo old, but seriously she is in better shape, younger looking, thinner, more generous, more godly, and much more beautiful than I am - so I will simply say,

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIS!

 

My sis has been a supportive wife for over 20 years. She has seven children from all over the globe. She is a pastor's wife which is a hard job full of a long list of do's and don'ts. She is busy every night of the week and yet still can fit in "therapy" calls from me regularly.

 

I love her - I admire her - I wish I was more like her

 

Dear, Kimberly,

I pray that this birthday is a true celebration of you. You mean so much to so many - but to me... you are the answer to my childhood dreams/wishes. I love you.

~Amanda

 

 

parenting

not for the lightweights...

 

not for the faint...

 

parenting

 

It is hard and sometimes not very rewarding...

 I rarely get seven hours of consecutive sleep... okay, usually not even six...

 

There is always something to get done and something that I forgot...

 

Something is dirty and other stuff needs to be put away...

 

Someone is starving and someone else hates what we are having...

 

 

 

This is a day where I question every choice I made to have children... because it is a hard day. I slept less than three hours... I forgot my deodorant this morning... I am finally eating breakfast at 1:28pm... I was thrilled to drop kids off at school and have not missed them a second today...

 

 

 

but

 

later, I will love them again... maybe tonight... maybe not until next week...

 

but

 

parenting

 

not for the faint...

 

not for the lightweights...

generous friends...

God is still listening...

 

I have to confess my frustration and anger...

My oldest son is a boyscout. He loves it. He thrives in it. He would rather live outside than breathe. Building fires, 50 mile bike rides, sleeping in a hammock, camping in the pouring rain, hiking up a hill, climbing a mountain... he loves every moment. This summer is a 2 week long trip to New Mexico for hiking and back packing... It is called "Philmont".

 

Scott and Alex plan to go

 

I did not want them to go

 

We were told that the trip could be between $1500-2000 a person. This did not slow down either one of them. It did, however, slam the brakes for me.

 

Being a basically one income family, I look at the thought of spending more than we have in a month on a two week trip for only two of us.... well, it infuriated me.

 

I complained. I argued. I pouted. I had a coniption. I might have even thrown a little of a hissy fit.

 

Then God moved.

 

Last week, in a moment of pure anger (okay, probably not pure, but I was really ticked), I told them both that if the two of them went, the rest of us would not be able to get a single vacation or even a night out of town. I tried to guilt them into seeing that two out of five of us would get the trip of a life time... while three of us stayed home... and I was mad.

 

But God... He likes to sit back and let me have my fit... I bet He even chuckles as He looks at my little temper tantrum, thinking, "When will she ever learn that I can handle this?"

 

Friday, Scott received a call that a former scout parent wanted to help out a father/son team heading to Philmont this year.... my men were chosen... what a gift... Half of the trip will be paid by an annoymous giver... Words cannot describe the appreciation my two guys feel...

 

However... I still looked at the budget and said, "Good Grief... that's great, but you two better start cutting lawns and selling stuff..." 

 

Sunday, I was running around our church... litterally, I was jogging and trying not to pass out... but while running, I was praying. I had left my earbuds in my car by accident, and so I was just talking to God about things that were close to my heart. I prayed over some friends in crisis, my children and the direction their lives will take, and then our finances... After a few miles, I just felt a peace. I really cannot explain it other than to say that I trusted that God would work it out... whatever and wherever we are supposed to be would work out... either way.

 

Today, Scott was given a check from a family friend... had no idea this friend had planned to help my kid... there was no reason for this precious act of generousity....  I am humbled and thankful.

 

It is hard for me to receive gifts like this... but it is for my kid... maybe that helps. Or maybe it is the fact that God told me that He would handle everything and He chose to use this friend as a helping hand...

 

Regardless, the amount that will be left over following these two generous gifts... well, it is the EXACT amount that I had budgeted for summer scout camp.

 

How crazy is the God I serve? These two men had no idea what our needs were or how much would be needed to make this trip possible.... but God did... and it is handled.

 

Thank you to these men... Thank you also to God for teaching me to chill out and let you be in control...

 

I wish it did not take such hissy fit in order to get my attention... I need to take a step back and calm down more often...

setting a goal

A couple of months ago, I was power walking with a friend (okay, truth be told, I was trying to jog- but this person runs like a maniac, so my "jog" is a casual stroll in comparison)... He challenged me.

Friend - "when is the last time you set a goal for yourself that you did not reach?"

me - "never"

Friend - "well, then you are not setting them high enough and challenging yourself.

Set a distance goal, a time goal, or something that will be difficult to reach - you

are not pushing yourself hard enough."

It was hard to hear... but so true. I was focusing on the fact that I had never jogged to the mailbox before August 20, 2012... I was tickled with myself and proud of my accomplishments (which I should be, don't mis-read this)... But I was becoming satisfied.

In 2011, I had resolved myself that my body would never change. I had decided that I would just be satisfied... therefore in 2012, I was fat too.  It was not until I got up, challenged myself, and made some huge changes that I was able to see that 2013 would not be there same.

So, I set a time goal. I wanted to run a 5k in less than 45 minutes... I completed the Color Me Rad 5K on October 27th in 38 minutes. Goal achieved. Felt like nothing I had ever done - it was amazing.

In November, I set a clothing size goal. I wanted to be able to button/zip size 10 jeans in a regular store by Valentines Day and a size 8 by July 21st (my birthday). After being a size 22 for many years, I really want to be "average". So, I started being very deliberate with my food choices and exercising. The week before Christmas I went into Gap and tried on a pair of size 10 jeans and then buttoned/zipped them. They are NO WHERE NEAR ready for public viewing, so I am still working on being able to wear them to work by Valentines day... but it is a goal.

This past week I have been doing some research on dehydration and other problems I have while jogging, exercising, and life in general... I am learning that I need to focus more on distance rather than speed just due to my body at this moment.

Well, almost as if on cue, a friend approached me about running a half marathon.... So, I have a new goal. March 17th I will be attempting a half marathon. Ladies and Gentlemen, I am not a runner. I am an "attempter"....

I am writing all of this not to encourage you to run. It is not for everyone. In fact, I do not enjoy it... I enjoy what it is doing for my body, therefore I love it...

I have written this to ask you a question...
What goal are you setting for yourself this month, this season, or this year?

We are much more in control of our lives than we like to take ownership of... We need to stand up, shake off the feelings of self-doubt, and start a program... Let's improve our lives... whether it means getting your body in to better shape, stopping a bad habit, starting a quiet time, cooking more for our families, giving more to our church or charity, spending more time with our family, or maybe even starting to take some time that is just for you...

Set a goal - a lofty one - and then let's work on it together. Accountability helps. Tell a friend. Tell a spouse... heck, tell me - I will happily check in on you and help light the fire under your tail to get you motivated!