Over the years, I have struggled as a mother... all mothers do, and I am no different. We are referees, nurses, tailors, taxi-drivers, teachers, chefs, and many other professions.... all rolled up into one!
Lately, I feel as though I have been a police officer... locking up toys/items for punishments, jailing children while grounding them, serving meals that may not be as wonderful as they desire to remind them what jail will be like... separating the prisoners when they fight...
laying down the law constantly.
I am tired.
I have given up that role of officer.
In my "epiphany" over the last year, I started trying to teach everyone around me that ALL choices have consequences. I am now enforcing that logic in my household.
I will no longer nag about homework. I will provide an environment where it can be done. I will only assist when absolutely necessary (but will do, type, tape, draw NOTHING). Your grades that You earn will be Yours. I graduated from high school. I graduated from college. I have my degree and I have my job.... it is your turn.
I will no longer nag about rooms being clean. You know the rules. Things that are left on the floor will be thrown away.... if you do not care about them, I certainly do not. I am a minimalist.... if you are not using it, then you do not need it. If you do not care for it, then neither do I.
I will no longer yell or argue. If you need me or want me, come to the room where I am. Let's talk. I am happy to hear about your day and discuss anything that you need... but I will not be screamed at throughout the house like I am your maid or servant. You will respect me, and then I will respect you... but because I respect myself, these are my rules.
I am happy to negoitate my terms. I will talk with reason and with reasonable people... if you have reason and are reasonable, please come to me... otherwise, you would be wise to stay back.
The choices of all of the people in my home will have consequences.
No guilt, no threats, no manipulation, no whining will be found....
I love my children dearly.... so much so that I want to empower them with power to do great things in life for themselves and for others. If I continue to fight their battles for them, they do not learn to stand up alone. If I do their projects or type papers, they will fail in college or at their job when I can no longer do it for them. If I police their every action and arguement, they will not have the social skills to maintain relationships and work through problems.
I am their mother. I will love them through it.... but they will start making some tough choices around here... and every choice they make will have an equal consequence... some will be wonderful, and some may not be so swell... but they will own their choices... because all of them will be their own.
Amanda Sublett
-mother since August 12, 1998 (the afternoon that I received the call that there was a little boy in Russia waiting for me and my love)
