God thought differently

In the spring of 2005, I had a thought... I have always loved to argue. I always want to be right. I feel the need to fight my point... so, I wanted to go back to school to study law. I started making plans to go back to school... I saw dollar bills in my future.

but God thought differently

Early in the year, I traveled to Thailand for a wonderful mission trip. I felt like God was getting ready to change some major things in my life. I was sick on the trip, but some of the food we ate was scary looking. Several people got the tummy bug, so I knew that I had caught it as well.

but God thought differently

After years of infertility drugs, our adoption of our firstborn, and then our surprise birth of our second born, I had finally convinced my hubby that it was time for him to go get a vasectomy. Our family was good and complete. My kids were in school, so I could go back to work/school. We were done with diapers.

but God thought differently

Eleven days before the scheduled vasectomy, Scott found a pregnancy test under the sink. We joked about how we would never need it again. However, we said we shouldn't throw it away because that would be wasteful. So as a joke, the next morning I took the test knowing it would be one line, and then I could toss it.

but God thought differently

I was quite mad. My life had been perfect. I knew what I wanted and where I wanted our family to go. I had my future planned out, and this little surprise was not in the plan.


It is hard to think about these facts. As I look back over the past nine hilarious years with my professor, I can not believe that he was not planned... well, planned by me.

God had Caleb Walker Sublett in His plan. He knew that I needed a brilliant young 3yr old to explain to me at 6:15am one morning that platypus have electro-reception and can move around in murky waters similar to how bats fly at night. God knew that I would need a little one to compliment me daily and intently mean every word he spoke. He knew that Caleb would amaze and humor people every where he visits. God was aware of the teachers who would marvel at his vocabulary, yet be enamored by his charm. God knew that one day in third grade, Caleb would sit several of his friends down at recess so that he could explain to them that Jesus loved them so much that He had sent the Holy Spirit down as Living Water.

God thought differently

God knew that I needed Caleb. I had no idea.

I need to learn from this... I am so flippin' hard-headed. When things do not turn out the way I PLANNED, I need to step back and know that it has happened to me before... and God is sovereign. He knows what He is doing. It may take a few years, but I will be able to look back and see that even though He thought differently that HE WAS RIGHT.

My little one was born 5.5 weeks early. He was 5 pounds and so little. He was long and skinny. He was deaf from his birth to just before Christmas (that is an entirely different blog and a huge miracle story). He had to stay in the hospital a week in order to get strong enough to come home. He came into this world so tiny and frail... but God knew differently - Caleb is a strong kid with a tender heart. He is passionate and smart.

I needed a professor in my life.... so God gave me Caleb.

My child is not fat

My child is not fat.

However, some idiot kid has convinced him that he is. Some child asked him why he was so fat. I do not know or understand what possessed this child to be so mean. I would like to think that the kid was asking an innocent question… However, in this day and age with our overly critical society, I can only believe that it was meanness.

My child came home from school and announced to the family that he is going to diet. He has determined that his diet will last three months. He decided there will be no more desserts in the house for this period of time and he is requiring himself a certain amount of exercise per day. Please understand that I do not think that either of these requirements are bad. We could all use to have some discipline in our lives. Less desserts and more movement would be great for everyone of us.

But my child is eight years old.

It is too soon for society's expectations to overrun his life. Let me worry about what people think and what people say and how people react… He is eight.

I did not know that he has been weighing himself now for a week. Last night he came into my room crying. Apparently someone had adjusted the dial on the scale and when he stood on it it told him that he waited 20 pounds more than he did that morning. He was devastated. I was shocked and upset to find out how important this was to him.

I quickly got up and fixed the dial... I may have over adjusted it a pound or two... He was smiling when he went to bed...

The scale is in the garbage this morning.

Friends- let's be concerned for our health. Let's monitor our family's health... But our children should be CHILDREN. I'm broken hearted that my son is already worried about being fat.

My child is not fat

The next person who tells him that he is... Well, they will deal with this angry mother..

Hammers kill ceramics, knives ruin stuffed animals, and fire pits were made for cards and pictures

I was not a normal teenage girl...

 okay, insert your joke here... HA HA

What I MEANT to say is that I did not date several guys in high school. I fell in love in the third grade. I came home from church the first time I laid eyes on him and told my mother that I would marry him one day. I felt that way through elementary school, middle school, high school, and part of college. He was the sun in which my planet circled.  I missed some parties and get togethers because I only wanted to be with him. I was at church whenever the door was open because I needed to be with him. I pretended to be interested in certain topics and bored with others because of him. He was the best thing ever.... Then, we broke up. I laid on my floor (literally) for about three days crying. I refused food for a few days. I screamed. I listened to sad love songs and cried. I listened to bouncy love song and cried. I burned things and threw stuff away. Years of memories haunted me and I lived through them looking at pictures over and over. Then one morning, I was good. I bounced back.


All of that to say - it sucked as a hormonal teenage girl

BUT IT SUCKS MORE AS A MOM

Yesterday, my daughter cried. She listened to love songs and cried through them. She couldn't bring herself to eat much supper even though I ordered her favorite meal. We had a funny ceremonial breaking ceramic gifts in the driveway (it was hilarious and she is pretty good with a hammer).


Now I know that she will live through this - I did and am so much better because of it.

I know that she is so young and has so much more to do and live and love.

But watching her heart hurt made me want to hurt him...




So, Thank you to my mother who stood in my doorway and let me cry. Thank you to my mother who laid on the floor beside me. Thank you to my mother who sent me to Georgia for the weekend to have fun and move on. Thank you to my mother who did not remind me that "this was better for me"... She just let me move through it at my own pace.

I am sure it broke her heart too.

Because I am sad today as well

(But for the record - My daughter is amazing! 
When she left for school this morning, 

she promised me that she would 

"rock the day because she is Amanda Sublett's daughter!"

 I love her smile this morning more than ever)