New adventures

It is a new era in our household... mommy is no longer sedentary.... We can do things as a family that involve movement... I am trying to get my two younger children to be willing to move with me.

Because I have been on the couch or on the computer for most of their lives,

they tend to be TV or computer kids...

but I am trying to change that.

Yesterday was a gorgeous day. I went for a quick 2.5 mile jog. It was quick and painless. I loved the feel of the breeze, the sun on my face, and the fact that I was moving without pain.... Last night, Scott and I took the boys on a 2 mile family walk with the dogs (Jess was at a show with her grandparents)... This would be an activity that would have aggravated me last year... I would have found a way to stay home and "do chores" while they walked.

It was nice.

Today, after getting home from church, we decided to get a hike in before lunch.... So, the five of us headed to Eno State Park and went in search of the swinging suspension bridge. We went up hills, down banks, over little muddy ways, jumped across rocks, sat and enjoyed the view, and laughed.

On the way home, we laughed and sang to 94.7 "I drive your truck" and had all of the windows down. It was not a fun hike for the youngest, it was hard... but ending it with a strong wind in his face even had him smiling.

It is my hope and plan to have an ACTIVE 2013. We will do more hikes... more walks... more outdoorsy activities...

less tv... less computer... less sitting...


What does your family do together that you enjoy? Are you making healthy choices for your family to help them start lifetime habits that will encourage movement?

It is hard.
It is new.

It is about dern time....

Apparently I need a shrink... (*updated*)

So I had a check up yesterday... My BMI is down more than 10%. My weight is down significantly. Whereas I had been headed to diabetes, my levels are now at the point that I am not even considered "at risk" any longer. The first time I met Dr Glavin I was wearing size 22 pants and a 3x shirt... Yesterday I wore size 10 jeans and a size large tshirt... My doctor had wonderful words of encouragement for me to continue...

But

Then she started asking me how I felt.

I told her about my jogging. I mentioned how I enjoy shopping with people now. I discussed my 5k and then how I ran the "Sublett Half" in 2 hours and 53 minutes. I told her how my children have mentioned being proud of me. My oldest said that he had been embarrassed in the past that I looked different than the mothers of his peers, but I don't anymore...

Then she asked me again how I felt.

I told her I was becoming more involved as a parent. I told her about confirmation weekend and the walking and hiking did not bother me like it would have a year ago. I told her that I have promised my boys that I would camp OUTSIDE this summer.

Yet again, she asked me how I felt.

I told her



Apparently I need a shrink

***** UPDATE*****

I am not depressed necessarily nor am I not thankful for what I have gone through... I truly BELIEVE everything listed up above... I have received a few emails and texts from readers who are concerned... ALL I stated to my doctor is that it does not seem fair that I could lose what I have lost, work as hard as I am trying, run as far as I have, eaten as little as I have, and yet...

look worse than I ever have

Not in clothes, mind you... I look so much better. I am talking about "in the raw"... Swimsuit season is coming. This is a season that puts most women into a tailspin frenzy. I get it... I just have so much skin that looks so gross. I have NO desire to allow anyone other than my immediate family view this loveliness!!!  haha

And for those of you who remind me that I can have the skin removed, you are right... however due to changes in healthcare that are imminent, I may have to pay for all of it out of pocket which will greatly change the amount I can remove and the timing of when it would happen.

So, I need to change my way of thinking... This skin is a trophy of my work, of where I have been and what I have worked through, the emotional eating that controlled my life and the significance that I am past that problem, of what I have put my body through and what I am capable of overcoming...

I will not change my mind today... but I have tried to start the change. I will get there.

This blog is to help my friends who are going down a similar path... I do not write my "heart's story" for pity but for those who need to know that while they struggle as well, they are not alone... not everyone who is looking better is actually feeling better... For my friends to know that we are all in this battle together, just at different stages....

Satan is good

So I had a great weekend... Prayed a lot... Grew... relaxed... laughed.. really sought after God and found Him in a big way...

then Monday came

I had a rough afternoon... kids were grouchy, traffic stunk, the youngest fought me to take a bath, the oldest sneaked all kinds of snacks and mess to his room, the middle has play practice until 9pm that lasted until after 10pm, I was stressed and trying to pay bills, Scott had to work "past 7" than ended up being past 11pm...

then I gave up and went to bed... only to have a terrible nightmare...

brief synopsis

Scott came home from working late, we were talking... the older two kids woke up...

then, I learned that he was cheating on me and had been for over 2 years...

He smiled and laughed about it in my face

things that he said touched all of my insecurities

"I married you and then you got fat. Now, you have lost all the weight

but look worse because you are so flabby - why would I

stay with you"

when I started crying and screaming, he left out the door

my parents walked across the street and my

father says "why wouldn't he leave? have you seen yourself?"

 

 

I woke up crying... drank some water... calmed down... laid back down

 

dreamed the EXACT same dream a second time. Got up and washed my face.

Then went back to bed again.

 

 

dreamed the EXACT same dream a third time but with some added details at the end...

I gave up and got up into the shower.

 

 

 

Satan knew that I was in a good place. He knew where my insecurities lie. He attacked every one of them... He got my focus off of God and back onto me.

 

Satan is smart.

 

But, God is better and smarter... Now I know that plan of attack, I am ready. I wish I could tell you that I was not defeated yesterday, but I was...

 

but I will not be defeated today.... no, not today.