we are out-numbered

Getting ready for the holidays is hectic and crazy... but worth it! This year I will get to spend time with Scott's grandmother, his parents, his brother, my sister (okay, truth-be-told, she is Scott's brother-in-law's wife... but to me, an only child, she is the closest thing I have ever had to a sibling and I love her!), and my three nephews and 4 nieces!!!

Yes, all seven kids live under one roof - it sounds nuts, but it works like a beautifully orchestrated choral piece sung with seven parts... I love each one of them equally, but completely different... Levi, is my first. He is an extremely dramatic young man whose imagination has entertained me for years. Lilly has always had a great sense of fashion and a quirky sense of humor that makes me giggle. Sadie is our family sprite. You can not get her down, and she loves yellow! Annabelle holds a dear part of my heart because we prayed for her arrival for many years. Her smile brightens every room and she is always jumping in to the work with two helpful hands. Josie is the most positive kid I know. She seems to bring me straight to my knees with simple but deep words of wisdom about God and how much He loves us. She is a thankful child. Charlie is a smooshie-love bug. He is always ready to snuggle and giggle. And then Isaac... He is always smiling. I look at him, he smiles. I ask a question, he smiles... His first Christmas (last year), he was so touched by receiving his first-ever Christmas gifts that he ran downstairs to his room, and then brought up personal items and passed them out to us... wanting to give... what a treasure of a child.

There will be 10 kids total with mine added... I can't wait to see the friendships re-bud and hear the laughter explode. It will be a loud few days. But it will be a few days filled with enough memories to last us a few months...

Who am I kidding?

 I will miss them instantly after they leave.

best so far

A lot has happened over the last month... a lot of great things and some miserable things... in other words LIFE has happened.

In my journey of weight loss, I am learning more and more every day about this mental battle that I constantly fight. I see weight loss in the mirror some days, but other days I see a 220 pounds woman looking at me. One day, I get up and feel thinner and am happy for the day, but the next day, I feel fat and sluggish and want to hide in my bed.

There is no rhyme or reason to it, and I do it to myself... well, except the other day when I had an ignorant woman say to me "Really, 46 pounds? I had no idea you were that fat!" Yea, that comment made me speechless and made me want to hide for the rest of the day and eat mashed potatoes by the truckload... except for the part that I could only eat about 5 ounces of them and that wouldn't help depression! hahahahahahaha

but yesterday afternoon was amazing for two reasons...

I jumped over two huge hurdles... 1) In the past, weather, pressing time, a hang nail... anything could give me reason to not exercise... but yesterday, I jogged two and a half miles in the rain. Yes, I carried an umbrella for part of it. Yes, I looked ridiculous. BUT I did it. I did not allow the cold or the rain to stop me. I ran...  2) on August 14, 1993, I wore a size 16 wedding dress. Later that evening, I wore size large sweatpants and a large t-shirt... then the next day, size 14 jeans... Yesterday, I went into Goodwill and tried on a pair of size 14 jeans. I zipped them, buttoned them, and then bought them. I am still 4 pounds from my wedding weight - but my ring size and jean size are back to 1993!

yesterday was a good day... one of the best so far in this journey....

color me rad

I did it!

 

So much happened and so many emotions were wrapped into one day...

I will try to put it into a little capsule for everyone to swallow...

 

I had great plans - I was going to jog my first 5K. I wanted to run with some people. I wanted it to be a big event. I hoped for friends to run with me. I planned for family to be there for support. I hoped for someone to take pictures of me at the beginning, at the mid-point, and at the end of the race. I had hoped for a "moment".

 

However, things were much different than I had planned

 

The people that had wanted to run the race waited a day too late to register. It sold out completely. Over 9,000 people were involved with the race, and I did not know a single one of them.

So, I ran alone.

 

My husband ended up having to go on a boy scout camp out with my oldest son. I did not feel comfortable leaving my 13 year old at the starting line with my 7 year old, so they stayed at home. My mother did offer to go, but I knew that she could not walk the distance on the parking lot and all of the color powder (there was a ton) would not be good for her asthma. So, I had no family present.

 

Due to some other events during the prior week, people cancelled on being able to go with me on Saturday. Some felt badly to cancel, others had things happen that could not be helped, and to some it may not have been as important to them as it was to me, understandably... So, I asked a random lady to take my picture at the starting line and an older gentleman to take the final picture just after I crossed the finish line.

 

So, what started out as a party in my mind was looking to be a depressing day..

 

but it wasn't

 

I drove to the race alone. I cranked my music and just really got lost in my thoughts. A year ago, I could not have jogged to the mailbox without getting winded. I teach in a classroom on the second floor and took the elevator up and down almost every time last year...

 

I decided not to go to the pre-walk pep rally or to the post-walk pep rally... not really as much fun alone - however,  as I stood at the starting line, I was very overwhelmed. I started to jog... I jogged the 3.1 miles in 39:51. My.best.time.ever. As I approached the finish line, I admit to getting a little teary. I could not believe that I had done it.

No team pulled me across that line.

No one stood there hollering for me to do it.

 

I simply put one foot in front of the other over and over again.

 

As if on cue, as I crossed the finish line I received a text from a friend encouraging me to do well... I texted them that I had just done it... then she texted me this thought

"Your victory came when u were standing on the start line."

 

So, I ran my first 5K. To some, it was "only 3 miles or so". To me, it was a huge mountain that I overcame and conquered. And furthermore, I will do it again.

 

I would like to now start working towards a 10K for the spring... and then we will move on from there. I am enjoying jogging and walking and moving more in my new/old body.