relinquish

I have always been an only child. I had no sibling rivalry. I shared with no one. I stood alone, fought my own battles, carried my own weight, trusted VERY few, had my own thoughts and opinions that were rarely changed....

I think is why I struggle with faith... to be able to trust God for things that seems to be out of my control. I know in my head that the Bible is right. I know that He can take care of things, work everything out, keep me safe, protect my children, provide for our family....

but in my heart - I still struggle with wanting to take over and do it myself.

I do not need a "co-pilot". I need to get into the baggage section of the plane and relinquish control completely... see, down in the baggage section, I would not even have windows...

I do not relinquish very well....

but I am trying

i know

I know you are a nice kid

I know you are only 13

I know that you have hopes and dreams and plans

I know that you make good choices and hard choices

I know that you go to church and seem to be a good Christian boy

I know that you are a kid and this will probably be a short-lived romance

but, today you are taking my daughter out

so be careful

or

I know you will be a dead kid

finally

my daughter is compassionate.

my daughter is sympathetic.

my daughter is over dramatic.

my daughter has a strong desire to be liked and accepted by everybody.

my daughter desperately cares about what everyone thinks about her, her clothing, her hair, her everything...

she could not possibly be my kid 

 if she did not look exactly like my husband and myself, I would swear that she was

not biologically mine...

over the years, Jess has had kids take advantage of her. she is always the kid offering to bring all of the supplies for all group projects. she takes on more than her share of the projects. she is talked down to or made fun of, and yet quickly forgives and remains "friends" with the brat...

on Friday, Jess had an incident with a girl who has been a brat many times before. their friendship has been a rocky roller coaster at best. on Friday, the girl told Jess to do something but Jess refused. the incident escalated to the girl smacking Jess and calling her a baby...

normally, this would end with Jess crying, me furious, and Jess forgiving her within 24 hours.

HOWEVER

on Friday, Jess punched the girl.

I was thrilled. I was proud. I was relieved.

Jess has seen several girls around her change this year. Girls who she has been friends with, have not been friendly. Girls who have been rude for years, have started to grow up. I think the changes around her have caused Jess to step back and think about just who she wants to surround herself with.

Now, understand, she will spend two days in ISS because she committed "physical aggression"... the girl also has two days (they will not serve time on the same days). I told the administrator that as an educator, I get it. I understand that they elevated their argument and have to be punished....

As a parent, I will not spend 30 seconds worrying about it.

Jess will not spend 30 seconds having any penalty here at home.

Instead, I am encouraged that my daughter is learning to stand up for herself and choose friends a little more wisely....

finally

Customer Service

I do not have a lot of money.

I am picky about where I will spend it... so, if I go into a store and the items they have are priced well, but the service is horrible - I will walk out with nothing. If a store has moderately priced items, but they bend over backwards and help me - I will walk out with a cart...

This past Saturday, due to advice from my beloved Tracey, I made an appointment at a store for my daughter.... yes, an appointment. We arrived right on time, and her salesgirl was waiting for her. All of the employees knew Jess by name. Each of them spoke to her by name. Amanda, her salesgirl, gave Jess her undivided attention for one hour and 15 minutes. She helped no one in the store except Jess. She brought Jess jeans, shirts, cami's, shoes, and even offered her a bottle of water while we were there... There was no charge for this attention... Jess felt like a princess and was treated as such.

I had planned to buy one pair of jeans... I did not.

I bought three...

and four shirts...

and two cami's...

and a pair of shoes...

It is important to me to be treated well while I am shopping... it is even more important to me that my family be treated well...

I highly recommend Buckle at Southpoint. They were wonderful to my child...

and to me.

change

My friend got a new job. That is awesome for her. She will get more money. She will be challenged in a way that she desires. She will have good hours and will still be able to be there for her family. She will be teaching children who need a good teacher and strong influence. This will be a great change for her. Her change rocks.

My friend got a new job. That sucks for me. I will miss her. She will no longer be in the same building as I am. She will no longer come into my classroom each day to give me pearls of wisdom. She will no longer be able to tell me about all of the sales on landsend.com/overstocks every single morning. She will no longer be there to laugh at my daily jokes or drama. She will no longer be there to help me solve all of the the problems of the world. This will be a bad change for me.

My change sucks.

But

I am thrilled for her. I love her. I know in my heart that this is good for her. Her man is happy. She is happy. Sooooo, therefore, I will be happy.

HE can handle it

I have a special child - okay, all three of my kids are special. You know that is not what I mean. One of my children is diagnosed with a few things. This child has ocd, adhd, and a frontal lobe disorder.

It is hard. I spend a lot of time dealing with doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, pharmacists, teachers, IEP's, homework reviews, sibling struggles due to special needs, and many other aspects for this child.

Almost all extra money goes toward something for this child.
A large part of the monthly budget goes toward the medical needs of this child.

Would I change it if I could? Well, this is where I would say, "No, I love my kids just the way they are. God is teaching me so many things thru all of this..." But, I am not nearly as holy as I would like to be. So, I will be honest - I would love to have my child healed. I would love to see my child be just like the average child and have average problems and joys...

I have often heard "God won't give you more than you can handle"...
I really do think that is crap.

I believe instead "GOD won't give you more than HE can help you through."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the last 6 weeks, we have started new medication that has changed our lives.
We have more laughs, more joys, less sibling warfare, more peace. It has been nice.

Over Christmas break, we had one horrible day. We had a adverse reaction to one pill...
It changed everything. We could not get away from it nor could we fix it.

Thankfully, I have a wonderful friend who walked us through it. She pointed out the manic episode had to be due to a medication. She met with me, cried with me, prayed for me....
 then she met with my child, talked with my child, prayed over my child....

God had my family to go through a HORRIFIC ordeal with a child of mine. I could not handle it. I lost my mind. But, God helped me through it.

So, if you are going through a rough patch... and someone tells you that God wouldn't let you go through it if you can't handle it... please know that it may not be true...

HOWEVER, HE will help you through it.
HE will guide you, comfort you, assist you, and can handle it for you.

looking at youth groups

I need a good youth group for my kids. I want a youth group that does Bible Studies and small groups. I want a youth leader who will be invested in my kids. I am looking for a youth group that meets each week, but also does fun activities together that build a sense of community... amusement parks, bowling, skating, sleepovers, water fights, overnight trips, mission trips, community service... not just one week of summer camp.

I am looking for a strong community for my kids to belong to.

I can teach them right from wrong. I can read to them the scripture and try to live a life that demonstrates the Godly way. I can be there to answer questions and talk about the hard subjects.

• I cannot give them Godly friends, only provide a place for them to hopefully find them.
• I cannot give them a community, only provide a ride to the event and hope that someone reaches out to them.
• I cannot be a mentor to them, only ask a leader to please reach out and take my child under his/her wing.

• Sometimes teens need to talk and they don't want to talk to their parents - a good youth leader would be great!
• Sometimes teens need help making friends - a good youth leader or small group leader would draw them in and encourage them to make relationships.
• Sometimes teens need to be accountable - a good leader and youth group can provide accountability when parents can't always be there.

My children are in a youth group right now... but it is too huge. They are out numbered. They are not super sporty or super popular personalities. They are normal, average, nice kids. They get overlooked or missed.

are your children in a great youth group? Please Please PLEASE give me some feedback....

i've decided

I've decided that I am not nice.

I speak my mind. I am honest. I am too blunt sometimes. I tend to be passionate about my opinion. I may listen to other views but rarely change my mind.

I am not nice.

I am not very compassionate. If your head hurts, take a painkiller... if it still hurts, I will talk more quietly and try to help... if you are not willing to do anything about it, shut up. If you hate your job, look for a new one or ways to change the one you are in. If you continue with the way things are, shut up. If your husband or wife treats you horribly, let's find a way to make it better. If you continue to be a floor mat, shut up.

I am not nice.

I really do not know how or when I became this way. I do not think I have been mean forever... but when I think back, I truly cannot remember being nice.

My husband tells me that I am a nice person to "those who are on my top 10 list. But if you are not on the list, watch out."

that makes me sad

I guess if I want to be nicer, I should do something about it or shut up!