September 24, 2011

christmas

yes... I know...

Christmas is three months away

But can I please tell you how much I LOVE CHRISTMAS?!? Being a part of my husband's family means that we celebrate Christmas at Thanksgiving. Scott's brother is a pastor and that makes traveling around Christmas more difficult. Scott's mom is the music director of her church as well, so Christmas is a hard time for them to be away as well. This all means that I get to celebrate Christmas twice a year...
and I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

I guess you are sitting there thinking that I have lost my mind... writing about Christmas on September 24th... I know... but...

I have been Christmas shopping!!!

With four nieces to shop for and two nephews so far, I have a lot of kids to make happy! I have started looking around and trying to find something that is "child specific" for each of them... I do not want to just buy something that happens to be on sale... although sales are great...

I want to buy something that will show them that I thought about them... I love them... I know them... I want them to feel my love and then remember my love when they see their gift for months to come.

I know Christmas is not supposed to be all about the gift... but in my mind it is...

See, God gave a gift to me in His Son. Every time I see a cross, read the Bible, sing a worship song in church, hear a great sermon or talk about Jesus with my kids, I am reminded about that gift. I am reminded that God loved me so much that He wanted me to spend eternity with Him. I am reminded that He turned His back to His own Son so that He would be able to turn towards me. What a gift. This gift was the ultimate gift. I did not deserve it. It was given out of His love for me.

On a completely different scale - I understand, I truly do - I want my family to look at the things that I do for them or the gifts that I give them, as gifts given out of my love for them...

God knew exactly what I needed. He had the right size, the right timing, the right gift....

I love Christmas more than any other time of the year... I may just have to go get my iPod...
I may need a Christmas tune or two...
I have gifts to wrap...

Did I mention that I have finished all my shopping for my nieces and nephews?

hee hee
I love Christmas!

September 21, 2011

21 hours

... continued...

I got started on the meds... then there would be an emergency c-section... then the doctor would come give me more meds... then there would be... all in all there were 3 c-sections that night. After the third, I grabbed hold of my sweet Dr Gunter and "quietly and subtly" explained to him that I was next... I did not care if I gave birth, had a c-section, or someone pulled out a magic wand from their back pocket and "poofed" him out... I was exhausted and hurting.

My friends and people who have met me since this event never believe the following statement... but I SWEAR to you that it is true... I never yelled during labor. More than that, I actually whispered the last hour and a half of my labor. Scott would keep his head right up to my mouth. I would barely whisper to him, "it hurts", he would turn and say, "she said it hurts"... (whispered)"I want drugs", Scott - "she says that she wants drugs." And so on and so forth for over an hour!

 I was exhausted.

At about 12:50 the following day, after over TWENTY ONE HOURS of labor, the nurse called the doctor in and they decided to start setting up the room for delivery. They had laid me back, my mother had one knee, Scott had the other knee (after a few other tactics that will be discussed at some other time and place!), and they said that I was almost ready to push.... I let them know I was ready - they said hold on one moment while we... and I pushed.... I really couldn't help it. My boy was ready to share his knowledge with the world, and I could not hold him back any longer! The nurse turned around to ask me something and screamed - so much for the room being ready.

Caleb Walker Sublett came into the world at 12:56pm. His room had no lights set up, no stirrups set up, and yet - he did not care... He screamed his way into our hearts... Now, I was exhausted. The sweet nurse Bonnie, who had started the time with me the day before and was amazing, held my 5 pound bundle up for me to see... I laid back with my eyes shut, tears streaming down my face, and said, "please clean him up before I look at him - I worked too hard to see all of the gunk!"... I know - I am an idiot... sorry - I was tired, emotional, and hurting.... I am sure he was the most beautiful, gunk-covered baby to ever be born - but I am just going to have to take my mother's word for it. I did not see him.

Bonnie cleaned him up, weighed him, put footprints on a baseball hat for my father that said "proud papa", and handed him to Scott... the proudest daddy in the world.

My mother cried and laughed through the entire event - see, I am adopted, so this was her first birth ever to witness or experience. (this should be a topic for a future blog...)

Scott handed my baby to me .....
and
...the world stopped...
just for a moment

He was perfect. He was so flipping tiny that he looked like a glow worm - 5 pounds 1ounce and 20 inches long... he was a worm. But he was a beautiful worm!


Caleb's birth was more than a month earlier than it was supposed to be and one day later than I thought it would be. This has been our experience with him every day - You do not know what you will get with him. He says what he thinks (yes, he gets it from me). He is smart as a whip. He has a heart for the underdog. He loves his family intensely.

Caleb had to stay in the hospital for a week due to some medical issues. In addition, he was deaf. We had him tested by two hosiptals. We were told to learn sign language and start preparing for his future. I cannot really explain this to people, but I was not upset by this at all. Scott was devastated. It bothered him to think about Caleb's future. We are both musicians, and Scott had a hard time dealing with what Caleb was going to miss out on by being deaf... however, I just went with it. I thought my kid was perfect. I can only explain it by saying, I knew he was okay. I am not saying "I knew he would hear" - I am saying that whether he could hear or not, I knew he was okay.

I had a peace.

One evening, my father had stepped over to visit, a plate was dropped accidently and Caleb started screaming. We were shocked. We did a few simple tests (clapping, startling, yelling) and saw that he could hear us. I took him to the doctor, and they could not explain what had happened.

"He should not be able to hear", is all they would say.

I tell you Caleb's story to let you know that watch out world... My boy has been through a bunch. He is tough as nails.

He will move mountains when he grows up

He has already conquered my heart

September 19, 2011

6 years ago

Six years ago I was checking into the hospital...
I was not due until October 26th. It was a crazy day.

Let me start at the beginning... Scott and I got married in August of 1993. We wanted three boys... We actually started trying to have kids in February of 1994. By April, we were not pregnant and I headed to the doctor. We had a plan, I was a teacher, we were on a schedule, and I was in a panic. So, we started fertility treatments that summer. It was a roller coaster of emotions and experiences.
       In May 1997, I had a miscarriage over Mother's Day weekend... it was horrible, like all miscarriages are.  I had gained over 45 pounds while on fertility treatments, emotionally was nuts due to all of the drugs and hormones, and had a student in my class (in the 8th grade) who had an abortion the very same week.I was devastated... Then our doctors sat me down and said the most horrible words, "Mrs Sublett, we do not know how to help you. You have poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. 96% of the women who come through here are able to be helped, but we can not help you. I'm sorry..."

I was an utter failure (know, that I understand now that I wasn't, but this is how I felt)

So, fast forward - In the Fall of 1998, we traveled to Penza, Russia to pick up our sweet, little boy. After all of the years of fertility, I went on "the pill" to regulate my body again, and yes... I got pregnant before we left... we returned from Russia, and I gave birth to girl six months afterwards.... It was crazy. After all of this craziness, we were thrilled and happy... AND DONE. Two kids. Both healthy. One special needs in some areas. Two perfect children, two sleep deprived parents, one beagle.. life was as good as it could get...

...or so we thought...

So, in 2005, my hubby decided to have a vasectomy... We knew that we were unable to have children, but I needed to KNOW that no more kids were coming into our household. We scheduled it. We were ready. And then... eleven days before his appointment, I took the last pregnancy test from under the bathroom sink... decided it would be a shame to waste it, so I took it. But please understand that it was only as a joke. But it seems that the joke was on me. The test came up positive immediately. No five-minute-wait for a sign. It was immediate. I took seven tests before lunchtime.

Well, it took me a few months to understand how this would be a blessing.

So, on Saturday, September 17, 2005, some great friends hosted a wonderful shower for me. I was uncomfortable and huge... I was the size of a barn. I was retaining water like you cannot imagine. I could not eat at the party because I was hurting. My baby was dancing, playing soccer, or just trying trying to kill me from the inside-out... My girlfriend, Tracey, took one look at me and said, "You have edema. You need to go to the doctor"
   Monday, September 19th I decided Tracey had a point, so I headed to the doctor... My blood pressure was 210/170... borderline stroke. I had pre-eclampsia. The doctor said, "It's 11am, you need to drive straight across the street. I will meet you at the hospital. We need to get this baby out of you." I sweetly explained to her that I had a baby shower scheduled at work at 12... so, I would meet her there around 1:30! I proceeded against her will,  and enjoyed my shower. I considered it to be my last meal, so I enjoyed myself. After the shower, I called Scott to let him know that  after he got off work, he should drive over to the hospital because we were going to have our baby 5.5 weeks early. I also mentioned that he would need to drive my car home from the hospital due to it being full of baby presents!!!


I was checked into the hospital at 1:45pm. I was taken to my room in a wheelchair. My nurse, Bonnie, was amazing. I had a nursing student attempt to put in my IV... she tried three times... my arm looked like a PIN CUSHION... now, remember that I was hormonal and miserable... I "pleasantly" let her know that she was done and could send my Bonnie back in and she did not need to come visit me again! I started my round of drugs to start labor, and began walking my laps between contractions.... I think that I had to have created ditches in the hallways due to the huge number of laps I made that afternoon and night...

It was a crazy day. I was thrilled at the thought of meeting my baby... I was terrified to know that he was going to be tiny and premature... I was hurting like crazy.... I was happy... My mother had asked to be in the room and was loving every moment and walking every lap with me... It was going to be an event of a lifetime...

...to be continued tomorrow...

September 12, 2011

yummy goodness

just wanted the world to know... that Starbucks has created a small morsel of yummy goodness...

the cake pop is a wonderful invention... 150 calories, three bites...

just enough to satisfy your sweet tooth...

I could eat twenty of them... but I guess that would defeat the purpose...

September 11, 2011

pets


(top photo is Skylar - bottom photo is Sam)
for some, the love from a pet is their first experience with unconditional love...

I have a dear friend who lost a pet today... It is hard experience...

I am looking at my two beasts a little differently this evening... as they lay on their backs, legs straight out to their sides, mouths wide open with their tongues dangling out to the side...

When I am happy, my dogs make me laugh. They nudge me, rub up on me, wag their enormous tails, and greet me excitedly...

When I am sad, my dogs know it. They lay at my feet, look up at me with questions in their eyes, hang their heads with sad eyes, and are still...

When I am mad, my dogs are distressed. They pace around the room, Skylar wants my attention as if to try to change the subject, Sam brings me his snuggle pup, and they stay at a healthy distance...

My Sam is a nut case. He likes everyone in my family, but I am his favorite... which is funny because he annoys the heck out of me. I swear to you that he has ADHD and needs Ritalin... in LARGE quantities. He loves to be brushed and rubbed. He would play fetch with you until your arm falls off. He loves to swim. He does not like for males to be anywhere near me... if we have company, and I am standing talking with any man other than my husband, Sam will come and stand between me and the gentleman... as if to say, "Back off buddy, she is taken!"

My Skylar is perfect. She is calm and quiet. She is the perfect snuggle buddy on a cold day. She makes a great pillow if you lay on the floor with her. She sits on my feet and stays close to me. She forces everyone who comes into contact with her to fall in love. No one leaves her without first telling me what a perfect pooch she is... they are right. I will forever adore my SkylarBean. She is the most submissive dog to ever breathe air. She is my dog-soulmate. She trys to look "aloof" but she is aware of everything around her all of the time... She will alert me when Scott's car pulls into the driveway. She loves people and has never met anyone that she does not simply adore.

Our pets are a part of our family. We love them. We scream at them. They make us laugh and frustrate us.

When a pet leaves a family, there is a void...

Friends - hug your pet a little tighter tonight...
 make sure they know just how important they are to you!

September 09, 2011

new best friend

Tonight, I took the "youngers" (12 yr old daughter and 5.5 yr old son) out. The boy scouts were coming to the house for a movie and snacks - it was going to be a sweaty, smelly, fun night for them - so we needed to get away!

We decided to enjoy some pizza and some frozen yogurt. We had interesting conversations about kids at school, homework, playground madness, hippopotamuses, true friendship, and Perry the platypus. It was entertaining. We were serious, we were silly, we were stuffed!

After eating some cheap cardboard pizza, we headed over to Tutti Fruitti. We LOVE this place. But tonight I was struck by something other than the best frozen yogurt ever (I love the banana, the peanut butter is amazing too... but the pineapple/coconut, wow).

As we were walking into the yogurt shop, my youngest exclaimed, "well, HEY!" to a young, black boy. I had never laid eyes on him. Caleb walked up to him, sat down, started talking. You would have thought that we were in a high school cafeteria. They were hilarious... chatting, laughing, discussing major topics of the world (mainly Phineas and Ferb episodes)... I left him outside of the shop sitting on a bench with this friend of his... got his yogurt, came back, they were still going a mile a minute.

I loved sitting back and quietly watching this hilarious union. They could have been brothers separated at birth (of course with completely different parents due to the fact they were complete opposites). The little boy was in third grade - my son is in kindergarten. They discussed TV shows, siblings, favorite toys, how cool it is that a hippo can be completely under water while just his eyes pop out of the surface of the water, and many other highly important topics.

It was time to leave... they said their good byes, hugged, and I told the little boy's mother that she had raised a precious young man... she, of course, said the same. As we were approaching the car, my son says, "mom, he is just the coolest new best friend ever". I said, "Do you talk to him on the play ground or at church?".... He looked at me without hesitating and said,

"Oh mom, we just met."

My son... he did not care that he had never met this child. He did not care that the child was three years older and a foot taller. He did not care that this child was of a different race. He did not notice any of these things....

Instead, he saw a sweet smile. He saw an "awesome Phineas and Ferb shirt". He saw a child who could talk about all of his favorite topics.

I wish when I looked around Durham that I would see the town through the eyes of my son... there are so many friends that I am missing out on because I get wrapped up in crap that does not matter.

Lord, help me to be open to the people around me... thank You for sending Caleb to be my teacher.

September 08, 2011

hindsight

years ago - Scott and I started trying to have children... we struggled with lots of decisions... How many should we have? Should I continue to work? Do we need to move into a different house? How much money are we willing to spend on fertility treatments...

then a few years later... Should we adopt? Should we adopt domestically or internationally? How many children should we sign up to adopt at a time? How much money can we afford or borrow to complete an adoption? Which country should we go to in order to grow our family?

then a year later... What do we do with this toddler who is climbing ladders to the roof? How can I chase him around while puking up my guts while pregnant with a second one? How do I parent two kids in less than 6 months time? Am I really cut out for this?

then came the "hard" questions about church and education for both of them (it was another 6 years before we were blessed with a third child!)...

Scott and I came to our decisions together... sometimes we agreed, sometimes we fought, but we always ended up on the same page...

We decided that I would not work until the kids went to school... and only then would I work during the hours that they were gone to school... Having our firstborn need more help at school, I then started questioning whether or not I should home school...

I have very little confidence in my abilities... I graduated from college... yet, I have the patience of a... well, that is not even a fair statement... I have NO patience... none... zilch... with a hyper child, who needed me to explain things a hundred times, and still would need additional help.... well, I knew that one of us would be dead or in prison!

However, now... I find myself thinking that I might should have looked into homeschooling a little more closely... I see my kid wanting to do the same amount of stuff his peers are doing... but we do not have time for activities... we are doing homework for over 5 hours... I have always wished that my child had chosen a sport to get involved in... however, I see now just how it would never have worked with all of this homework..

hindsight can be a wonderful tool for learning... it can also be a tool for bringing on a lot of guilt...

I love my kids... I am trying desperately to do what is right and fair for them... I really am...

God, please help me make as many "right decisions" as I can the first time around...
They suffer when I am wrong...

September 07, 2011

rough

high school is rough... funny, but I do not remember it being rough... at least not academically...

High school was fun for me... I had a boyfriend. I performed in musicals and plays. I made mostly A's. I was super involved in my youth group. I went to a lot of parties... not with my youth group. I drove around with my friends and laughed a lot. I do not remember doing homework. I never studied until college. I would stay after school for play practice or show choir until 5:30 or 6 most days. It was a blast. My grades and test scores were good - I got into the college I wanted. I completed the degree I wanted, then moved on to the exact job I wanted... I remember everything a lot easier than I am seeing for my kid.

My oldest is doing homework tonight... it is 7:20pm. He has been working since a little before 4pm... He is nowhere near finished. It hurts my heart to see him struggle. He is just doing worksheets and defining words. He is not studying.... if he were to actually study, he would have to work even longer. I know that is not going to happen...

After 6.5 hours of school, is it really okay for us to expect our kids to do homework for over 3 hours... how about 4 hours...

I wish he was having the same experience I had in high school...

I wish I had the patience to homeschool...