December 24, 2014

List for Santa

I was an only child while growing up - I do not remember ever making a Christmas list... I never wrote down things for my parents or grandparents... I am sure someone asked me at some point, but I have no memories of a list. I would sit on Santa's lap even through my teenage years, and I always told him one or two items that I wanted...

Christmas was the BEST time of year. Some how even without the list, my parents, grandparents, and Santa all got together and gave me the best presents ever. I only have fabulous memories surrounding Christmas. It was the happiest time of year. I was always blessed, surprised, excited, and happy.

Fast forward

I have done my best to try to give my children these same experiences. My children have never really written down a list either - but Christmas is that magical time where I listen like crazy - I try to find that one special "Oh My Goodness" gift that they never expected to really receive. There are years that money is very tight, but I have sold something of mine or shopped online/thrift stores/craigslist in order to try to make sure there is something special under the tree. I let my kids ask for three things... We have always said that Jesus received three gifts for His birth, and so we do the same... but I always get more.

I drive my husband crazy at Christmas. I desperately want each kid to freak out Christmas morning... It is a goal of mine. I always did as a kid, and I want memories for them too. He doesn't seem to understand. I could honestly care less if there is a single gift for me - my gift is watching every one's faces when they open the gift to see it was exactly what they wanted, or it is exactly what they ever knew they wanted but see it is perfect... It gives me chills. I don't sleep the night before... at all.

This year has been tight. We have gotten a car for the teens, but it needed a lot of work. More insurance, more things needed fixing around our 40 year old home, health needs, costs from having a senior, and other random expenses that have sprung up unexpectedly have put a damper on my Christmas blessings for my kids.

But, my teens don't seem to care. They have focused more on the "what can we eat" and "who can we see" and "can we do this" thoughts. I ask what they want for Christmas, and they say they know money is tight and the gifts are not important... it blesses my heart, as it hurts my heart.

Then my youngest son who is nine says, "Mom, I was thinking about what I should tell Santa I want for Christmas. I live a really blessed life. I have everything I want and that I would ask for... so I think I may just ask for dog food and puppy chew toys for the dogs at the shelter who no one wants for Christmas."

All my life Christmas has been about making sure that each person in my family is  given something amazing; the game station that they had no idea I could afford, the outfit that was sold out, the movie that just came out, tickets to that show at DPAC that was the best day of her life...

It seems that this year, my children decided to teach me to put different things on my list.

This year I just want to be with my family. I want to laugh, hug, joke, eat, and love....

I bet Santa can fill that order... I will be waiting all night tonight to see!

December 13, 2014

Memories from Ornaments #2


My Granny was pretty cool. My mother's mom was my longest living grandparent. I knew her the best. She wasn't always my favorite (I was a Papa's girl), but I loved her dearly. 

When I was little, I gave her this ornament for Christmas. It was on her tree each year. When she was no longer able to put her tree up and did not want others to put it up for her, I was given the ornament back along with a few of her very old ornaments. Now, this ornament hangs on my tree every year. 
I think of her at each glance.

My grandmother was a hulk. She was a very strong woman. She experienced hardships that I can only imagine and repeat in stories. Often I can get down on things in my own life and whine about how difficult life is - but when I think of her childhood, the beginning of her marriage, her raising four children with next to nothing, her family relationships, her old age, her failing health, and her last years being spent in a nursing home... I am reminded that she was so very much stronger than I.

Several of the ornaments on my tree are pretty... or cute... or gifts from students over past years. However, I love a good "memory" ornament... We have a set from the country of Jordan when Scott was there on a mission trip. We have one that was made for me by a childhood friend when I was 4. We have one that Scott made as a young child. Of course, we have a ton from preschool years that all three children have made. We still use the star on the top of the tree that my 17 year old made when he was 2...

My tree is a mixture. 
A mixture of textures and colors.
A mixture of happy memories and sad thoughts.
A mixture of giggles and belly laughs.

I could sit and look at it in the quiet of the evening with a tall cup of hazelnut coffee and a snuggly blanket...

I love Christmas.

December 11, 2014

Sonic boom can't do it

My oldest has been struggling in the mornings... Like all good parents, Scott and I want him to grow into an amazing adult. We want him to get up without help... 
Set the alarm, sleep, hear the alarm, turn it off and get up

This is not happening.

For months, I tried everything. Loud alarms. Multiple alarms. Alarms across the room. Alarms inches from his head. Cup filled of cold water thrown in the face. Phone restrictions.

You name it.

But for some reason, this week I started thinking. He isn't being rebellious. He is apologetic and just as upset as I am. He WANTS to get up. For the first time ever, he wants to go to school. His grades are amazing. 
He is doing things at school that he enjoys.

So why is he not getting up?

I am so thankful for his doctor... I called her office and did not get her voice mail. She answered! As awesome as she is, it still catches me off guard... She took the time to listen and ask questions. She didn't offer suggestions until hearing it all. She sensed my concern and never mentioned that I was crazy or called my son disobedient... She ordered blood work immediately.

I am so thankful for Sonya Glavin.... At SAS, we have a full medical facility to use. They are wonderful and truly care. I have been scared of doctors for most of my adulthood. I have avoided them like a middle school boy avoids a shower... but my Dr Glavin is different. From the first moment on the phone, someone hears my concern and finds me an answer. Then my wonderful doctor offers ideas and suggestions, but also reassures me that I am not crazy (any more so than normal).

So far the tests are coming back that my son is fine. He struggles with several issues, one being OCD. It seems that Alex has habituated himself to loud noises while sleeping. He doesn't hear them. See, he doesn't hear the alarm, and hit the snooze - He sleeps through them for over an hour of constant noise. It is amazing to watch. It is actually quite scary. We have moved a smoke detector inside of his room... but when asleep, he does not hear it.

We are trying a new technique for awhile to re-train his brain... Each morning, I now silently enter his room. I gently rub his arm and then whisper "get up, Bud"... So far, both mornings, he has woken up immediately, smiled and gotten up and headed to the shower. 

It is the weirdest thing. 

A sonic boom can't do it

but my whisper can

Memories from Ornaments - #1

 Many many years ago, in the world of an angry little girl, a story was told...

When my daughter was 5, she got very angry with her brother. Yes, most siblings fight, but this time was different. She was so angry that she said hurtful things. Yes, most siblings do, but this time was different.

My daughter looked at her older brother and said, "I wish you were never adopted. I wish you were still in Russia and had never been brought into my family."

I was floored, shocked, and hurt. Since I am adopted, I tend to overreact when I hear comments like this... People don't always think about the words they use, I have experienced a lot of ignorant people over the years since I have one adopted son and two biological children.

So, I sat her down... I had planned to punish her, but off the cuff I changed my mind.

"Jess~ It is time that I was honest with you... See, we told Alex when he was five, and now you are five so it is time. You are adopted. When you say ugly things to your brother, you are inflicting pain on all adopted children. You hurt me and you hurt Alex, but now you need to know that you are hurting yourself. Yes, we flew on planes and took a train and a bus to get your brother - but we had to ride on a spaceship to get you. You were adopted from the planet Hogbath in the galaxy Ummmdidd. (I know that is ridiculous - it was off the cuff). You were a lizard princess, and we had to teach you English. We loved Alex before we ever knew him, and we loved you before we ever knew you. See, God knew that Alex would be our son. He prepared him for us and our hearts for him. Then, God knew that we needed a daughter, and He prepared you for us and our hearts for you."

she was floored - she looked at me trying to figure out if I was lying or what - the story seemed far-fetched, but I am completely convincing - she was not sure

I dropped it. Three months later, I was chatting with Leslie. As women do, we were talking about labor pains, deliveries, and comparing stories. I said something like "when I was pregnant with Jessie - " but before I could get another word out of my mouth, Jess ran into the room
 "I KNEW IT! I KNEW I WASN'T ADOPTED"...

We laughed until I cried.

That Christmas, Leslie and her family brought this ornament to my Jessica. On the belly of the bejeweled lizard it reads, To Jessica, our favorite lizard princess... We laugh every Christmas as we put it on our tree.

We have talked about it for 10 years now.  It reminds me of so many life lessons... Be careful what you say because words can hurt. God did choose my children for me, one in my heart and two from my belly. Adopted children are planned, chosen, and wanted in this family. All three of my children are adopted by God and loved by me... I thank Him for entrusting me with three of His little wonders.

October 12, 2014

...Preschool Teacher....

I love my job

I could say that the money is amazing and the benefits are incredible...
yet, that would be seriously stretching the truth.

I could say that I get paid to sit on my butt all day and do nothing...
yet, that would be untrue.

However, I can say that I work with some great ladies. Most of my closest friends in Durham have come into my life through my job. They are hard working women who love their families, enjoy their job, and make me laugh almost daily. They make me smile. They let me vent about life. They challenge me and hold me accountable. They pray for me when I ask. We go to lunch, meet for suppers, hit thrift stores, and have even vacationed together.

I can also say that I love hearing the stories that my students bring me each day... "Daddy snores when he is on the couch", "Mommy, drinks and watches movies all day", "I have a pet elephant that sleeps with me", or "my dog pooped down the air vent this morning"....  My kids crack me up. Their innocence and candor are invigorating. Their timing is perfect.... On a day that I am sad or tired, a student will remind me that they love me, or compliment my shirt (which is the exact same as every other teacher on staff) and bring a smile to my lips. On a silly day, my students will laugh at my crazy socks, Halloween costume, funny songs, or crazy way I dance during class. The reasons I walk into my job each morning are all between the ages of one and 5 years old...

I have a lot in my life to be thankful for - Today, I am choosing to remind myself that many will get up Monday morning dreading their work day... I will not have to do that.

I love my job

September 18, 2014

God thought differently

In the spring of 2005, I had a thought... I have always loved to argue. I always want to be right. I feel the need to fight my point... so, I wanted to go back to school to study law. I started making plans to go back to school... I saw dollar bills in my future.

but God thought differently

Early in the year, I traveled to Thailand for a wonderful mission trip. I felt like God was getting ready to change some major things in my life. I was sick on the trip, but some of the food we ate was scary looking. Several people got the tummy bug, so I knew that I had caught it as well.

but God thought differently

After years of infertility drugs, our adoption of our firstborn, and then our surprise birth of our second born, I had finally convinced my hubby that it was time for him to go get a vasectomy. Our family was good and complete. My kids were in school, so I could go back to work/school. We were done with diapers.

but God thought differently

Eleven days before the scheduled vasectomy, Scott found a pregnancy test under the sink. We joked about how we would never need it again. However, we said we shouldn't throw it away because that would be wasteful. So as a joke, the next morning I took the test knowing it would be one line, and then I could toss it.

but God thought differently

I was quite mad. My life had been perfect. I knew what I wanted and where I wanted our family to go. I had my future planned out, and this little surprise was not in the plan.


It is hard to think about these facts. As I look back over the past nine hilarious years with my professor, I can not believe that he was not planned... well, planned by me.

God had Caleb Walker Sublett in His plan. He knew that I needed a brilliant young 3yr old to explain to me at 6:15am one morning that platypus have electro-reception and can move around in murky waters similar to how bats fly at night. God knew that I would need a little one to compliment me daily and intently mean every word he spoke. He knew that Caleb would amaze and humor people every where he visits. God was aware of the teachers who would marvel at his vocabulary, yet be enamored by his charm. God knew that one day in third grade, Caleb would sit several of his friends down at recess so that he could explain to them that Jesus loved them so much that He had sent the Holy Spirit down as Living Water.

God thought differently

God knew that I needed Caleb. I had no idea.

I need to learn from this... I am so flippin' hard-headed. When things do not turn out the way I PLANNED, I need to step back and know that it has happened to me before... and God is sovereign. He knows what He is doing. It may take a few years, but I will be able to look back and see that even though He thought differently that HE WAS RIGHT.

My little one was born 5.5 weeks early. He was 5 pounds and so little. He was long and skinny. He was deaf from his birth to just before Christmas (that is an entirely different blog and a huge miracle story). He had to stay in the hospital a week in order to get strong enough to come home. He came into this world so tiny and frail... but God knew differently - Caleb is a strong kid with a tender heart. He is passionate and smart.

I needed a professor in my life.... so God gave me Caleb.

June 06, 2014

My child is not fat

My child is not fat.

However, some idiot kid has convinced him that he is. Some child asked him why he was so fat. I do not know or understand what possessed this child to be so mean. I would like to think that the kid was asking an innocent question… However, in this day and age with our overly critical society, I can only believe that it was meanness.

My child came home from school and announced to the family that he is going to diet. He has determined that his diet will last three months. He decided there will be no more desserts in the house for this period of time and he is requiring himself a certain amount of exercise per day. Please understand that I do not think that either of these requirements are bad. We could all use to have some discipline in our lives. Less desserts and more movement would be great for everyone of us.

But my child is eight years old.

It is too soon for society's expectations to overrun his life. Let me worry about what people think and what people say and how people react… He is eight.

I did not know that he has been weighing himself now for a week. Last night he came into my room crying. Apparently someone had adjusted the dial on the scale and when he stood on it it told him that he waited 20 pounds more than he did that morning. He was devastated. I was shocked and upset to find out how important this was to him.

I quickly got up and fixed the dial... I may have over adjusted it a pound or two... He was smiling when he went to bed...

The scale is in the garbage this morning.

Friends- let's be concerned for our health. Let's monitor our family's health... But our children should be CHILDREN. I'm broken hearted that my son is already worried about being fat.

My child is not fat

The next person who tells him that he is... Well, they will deal with this angry mother..

May 06, 2014

Hammers kill ceramics, knives ruin stuffed animals, and fire pits were made for cards and pictures

I was not a normal teenage girl...

 okay, insert your joke here... HA HA

What I MEANT to say is that I did not date several guys in high school. I fell in love in the third grade. I came home from church the first time I laid eyes on him and told my mother that I would marry him one day. I felt that way through elementary school, middle school, high school, and part of college. He was the sun in which my planet circled.  I missed some parties and get togethers because I only wanted to be with him. I was at church whenever the door was open because I needed to be with him. I pretended to be interested in certain topics and bored with others because of him. He was the best thing ever.... Then, we broke up. I laid on my floor (literally) for about three days crying. I refused food for a few days. I screamed. I listened to sad love songs and cried. I listened to bouncy love song and cried. I burned things and threw stuff away. Years of memories haunted me and I lived through them looking at pictures over and over. Then one morning, I was good. I bounced back.


All of that to say - it sucked as a hormonal teenage girl

BUT IT SUCKS MORE AS A MOM

Yesterday, my daughter cried. She listened to love songs and cried through them. She couldn't bring herself to eat much supper even though I ordered her favorite meal. We had a funny ceremonial breaking ceramic gifts in the driveway (it was hilarious and she is pretty good with a hammer).


Now I know that she will live through this - I did and am so much better because of it.

I know that she is so young and has so much more to do and live and love.

But watching her heart hurt made me want to hurt him...




So, Thank you to my mother who stood in my doorway and let me cry. Thank you to my mother who laid on the floor beside me. Thank you to my mother who sent me to Georgia for the weekend to have fun and move on. Thank you to my mother who did not remind me that "this was better for me"... She just let me move through it at my own pace.

I am sure it broke her heart too.

Because I am sad today as well



(But for the record - My daughter is amazing! 
When she left for school this morning, 
she promised me that she would 
"rock the day because she is Amanda Sublett's daughter!"
 I love her smile this morning more than ever)

May 01, 2014

so... I got baptized

some have seen a comment here or there on my facebook wall that I got baptized on Easter Morning this year... I have received some odd private messages and comments, so I wanted to explain why I did.

I vividly remember having a backyard Bible club (similar to VBS) at my home when I was around 8... Mrs. Sylvia Poole led us in a fun week and prayed with us each day asking us to think about asking Jesus into our hearts... On the last day, I told her that I wanted to do it. She led me with a prayer, I jumped off the couch, screamed at my mom "I just asked Jesus into my heart, and now I'm going to throw up!" and I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I remember it like it was yesterday... but I also remember something else.

nothing really changed

I vividly remember my dad going forward and getting saved. I remember talk coming around the church about a baptism service coming on a Sunday night. My mother talked with me about how wonderful it would be for me and my dad to get baptized on the same night. I agreed. I remember climbing down into the water with Rev Ronald Mayers and being dunked.

nothing really changed

I wasn't the worst teen possible... no hard drugs or crazy wild parties... but I was a huge hypocrite. I have no doubt that my double lifestyle of being active in the youth group, dating the youth leaders' son and then being a cusser, crazy mean bully at the high school probably led many teens away from the church. I was the pure definition of a stumbling block.

nothing really changed

However, I wanted to go to college out of state. It was my plan to go to college far away and have a blast... so of course, I went to a Bible college... I wrote an amazing testimony (required for entrance) and was accepted. I left for Georgia and was thrilled at the thought of being "on my own". I went to my first bar, attended my first toga party, stayed out late, took great car trips and had so much fun.

nothing really changed

Then we had spiritual emphasis week... a speaker came and we were required to attend every night. Each night he would give an invitation for people to come forward to get saved. I thought he was an idiot. It was a Bible college... we had to write testimonies just to get it in.... but on the last night, with every eye closed and no one looking around - I started looking around. People had gone forward. I felt so uncomfortable because I knew that it was for me. But I couldn't walk down there because I was sitting with my fun friends... as I looked up, the speaker looked straight at me and with the mic to his mouth said "Are you coming, this is all for you." I ran.... to the front to pray

it finally happened - I began to change

Since that night, I fell in love with my husband, got married, taught high school, taught middle school, have had three children, taught at preschool and grown a lot... still have a bunch of hang up and struggles, but have tried to change. Scott and I have talked a lot about baptism. He felt like I needed to be baptized, and I thought he should mind his own business!

But then I started to pray, really pray about it a few weeks ago. I was having some really deep Biblical conversations with my children and a couple of close friends. I asked a friend to help me pray through it. I told Scott I was considering it. I talked with my teens about it. I met with a pastor about it a couple of times... I knew that when I had been baptized as a teen, I had just gotten wet... it had not been my choice. it was not a symbol of any commitment that I had made.

When Pastor Ryan agreed to baptize me, he told me that he thought I may back out, so he wanted me to come to church dressed and ready to go right when it started... He was a smart man. I was backing out as I got out of bed that morning. Not because I did not think I needed to do it, but because of pride.

I did not want anyone to wonder what I was doing. I have been a Christian for a long time and teach at a Christian preschool... what in the world... But I realized that pride was taking over my commitment and that I need to be more concerned with my submission to God than to what other people thought when they saw me up there...

I changed

Ryan talked with me, then asked Scott to get into the waters with us, and he and Scott laid hands on me and baptized me. Ryan as a pastor and Scott as the spiritual leader in my home...

I still am not perfect. But I am honestly making serious strides and growing and changing my heart. I have struggled with profanity for as long as I can remember... But God is helping me to tame my tongue in a way I have never experienced. I am growing.

So, yes I was baptized... I needed to stand up and say that I have accepted Christ as my Savior and Lord. Ryan also asked me a horribly hard question - "Do you promise to go where He wants you to go and do what He wants you to do..." UGH - that even means giving Him my children... I am trying to give Him everything... all areas, people, and things... This will be a process...

but it happened... I am changing