List for Santa

I was an only child while growing up - I do not remember ever making a Christmas list... I never wrote down things for my parents or grandparents... I am sure someone asked me at some point, but I have no memories of a list. I would sit on Santa's lap even through my teenage years, and I always told him one or two items that I wanted...

Christmas was the BEST time of year. Some how even without the list, my parents, grandparents, and Santa all got together and gave me the best presents ever. I only have fabulous memories surrounding Christmas. It was the happiest time of year. I was always blessed, surprised, excited, and happy.

Fast forward

I have done my best to try to give my children these same experiences. My children have never really written down a list either - but Christmas is that magical time where I listen like crazy - I try to find that one special "Oh My Goodness" gift that they never expected to really receive. There are years that money is very tight, but I have sold something of mine or shopped online/thrift stores/craigslist in order to try to make sure there is something special under the tree. I let my kids ask for three things... We have always said that Jesus received three gifts for His birth, and so we do the same... but I always get more.

I drive my husband crazy at Christmas. I desperately want each kid to freak out Christmas morning... It is a goal of mine. I always did as a kid, and I want memories for them too. He doesn't seem to understand. I could honestly care less if there is a single gift for me - my gift is watching every one's faces when they open the gift to see it was exactly what they wanted, or it is exactly what they ever knew they wanted but see it is perfect... It gives me chills. I don't sleep the night before... at all.

This year has been tight. We have gotten a car for the teens, but it needed a lot of work. More insurance, more things needed fixing around our 40 year old home, health needs, costs from having a senior, and other random expenses that have sprung up unexpectedly have put a damper on my Christmas blessings for my kids.

But, my teens don't seem to care. They have focused more on the "what can we eat" and "who can we see" and "can we do this" thoughts. I ask what they want for Christmas, and they say they know money is tight and the gifts are not important... it blesses my heart, as it hurts my heart.

Then my youngest son who is nine says, "Mom, I was thinking about what I should tell Santa I want for Christmas. I live a really blessed life. I have everything I want and that I would ask for... so I think I may just ask for dog food and puppy chew toys for the dogs at the shelter who no one wants for Christmas."

All my life Christmas has been about making sure that each person in my family is  given something amazing; the game station that they had no idea I could afford, the outfit that was sold out, the movie that just came out, tickets to that show at DPAC that was the best day of her life...

It seems that this year, my children decided to teach me to put different things on my list.

This year I just want to be with my family. I want to laugh, hug, joke, eat, and love....

I bet Santa can fill that order... I will be waiting all night tonight to see!

Memories from Ornaments #2

My Granny was pretty cool. My mother's mom was my longest living grandparent. I knew her the best. She wasn't always my favorite (I was a Papa's girl), but I loved her dearly. 

When I was little, I gave her this ornament for Christmas. It was on her tree each year. When she was no longer able to put her tree up and did not want others to put it up for her, I was given the ornament back along with a few of her very old ornaments. Now, this ornament hangs on my tree every year. 

I think of her at each glance.

My grandmother was a hulk. She was a very strong woman. She experienced hardships that I can only imagine and repeat in stories. Often I can get down on things in my own life and whine about how difficult life is - but when I think of her childhood, the beginning of her marriage, her raising four children with next to nothing, her family relationships, her old age, her failing health, and her last years being spent in a nursing home... I am reminded that she was so very much stronger than I.

Several of the ornaments on my tree are pretty... or cute... or gifts from students over past years. However, I love a good "memory" ornament... We have a set from the country of Jordan when Scott was there on a mission trip. We have one that was made for me by a childhood friend when I was 4. We have one that Scott made as a young child. Of course, we have a ton from preschool years that all three children have made. We still use the star on the top of the tree that my 17 year old made when he was 2...

My tree is a mixture. 

A mixture of textures and colors.

A mixture of happy memories and sad thoughts.

A mixture of giggles and belly laughs.

I could sit and look at it in the quiet of the evening with a tall cup of hazelnut coffee and a snuggly blanket...

I love Christmas.

Sonic boom can't do it

My oldest has been struggling in the mornings... Like all good parents, Scott and I want him to grow into an amazing adult. We want him to get up without help... 

Set the alarm, sleep, hear the alarm, turn it off and get up

This is not happening.

For months, I tried everything. Loud alarms. Multiple alarms. Alarms across the room. Alarms inches from his head. Cup filled of cold water thrown in the face. Phone restrictions.

You name it.

But for some reason, this week I started thinking. He isn't being rebellious. He is apologetic and just as upset as I am. He WANTS to get up. For the first time ever, he wants to go to school. His grades are amazing. 

He is doing things at school that he enjoys.

So why is he not getting up?

I am so thankful for his doctor... I called her office and did not get her voice mail. She answered! As awesome as she is, it still catches me off guard... She took the time to listen and ask questions. She didn't offer suggestions until hearing it all. She sensed my concern and never mentioned that I was crazy or called my son disobedient... She ordered blood work immediately.

I am so thankful for Sonya Glavin.... At SAS, we have a full medical facility to use. They are wonderful and truly care. I have been scared of doctors for most of my adulthood. I have avoided them like a middle school boy avoids a shower... but my Dr Glavin is different. From the first moment on the phone, someone hears my concern and finds me an answer. Then my wonderful doctor offers ideas and suggestions, but also reassures me that I am not crazy (any more so than normal).

So far the tests are coming back that my son is fine. He struggles with several issues, one being OCD. It seems that Alex has habituated himself to loud noises while sleeping. He doesn't hear them. See, he doesn't hear the alarm, and hit the snooze - He sleeps through them for over an hour of constant noise. It is amazing to watch. It is actually quite scary. We have moved a smoke detector inside of his room... but when asleep, he does not hear it.

We are trying a new technique for awhile to re-train his brain... Each morning, I now silently enter his room. I gently rub his arm and then whisper "get up, Bud"... So far, both mornings, he has woken up immediately, smiled and gotten up and headed to the shower. 

It is the weirdest thing. 

A sonic boom can't do it

but my whisper can

Memories from Ornaments - #1

 Many many years ago, in the world of an angry little girl, a story was told...

When my daughter was 5, she got very angry with her brother. Yes, most siblings fight, but this time was different. She was so angry that she said hurtful things. Yes, most siblings do, but this time was different.

My daughter looked at her older brother and said, "I wish you were never adopted. I wish you were still in Russia and had never been brought into my family."

I was floored, shocked, and hurt. Since I am adopted, I tend to overreact when I hear comments like this... People don't always think about the words they use, I have experienced a lot of ignorant people over the years since I have one adopted son and two biological children.

So, I sat her down... I had planned to punish her, but off the cuff I changed my mind.

"Jess~ It is time that I was honest with you... See, we told Alex when he was five, and now you are five so it is time. You are adopted. When you say ugly things to your brother, you are inflicting pain on all adopted children. You hurt me and you hurt Alex, but now you need to know that you are hurting yourself. Yes, we flew on planes and took a train and a bus to get your brother - but we had to ride on a spaceship to get you. You were adopted from the planet Hogbath in the galaxy Ummmdidd. (I know that is ridiculous - it was off the cuff). You were a lizard princess, and we had to teach you English. We loved Alex before we ever knew him, and we loved you before we ever knew you. See, God knew that Alex would be our son. He prepared him for us and our hearts for him. Then, God knew that we needed a daughter, and He prepared you for us and our hearts for you."

she was floored - she looked at me trying to figure out if I was lying or what - the story seemed far-fetched, but I am completely convincing - she was not sure

I dropped it. Three months later, I was chatting with Leslie. As women do, we were talking about labor pains, deliveries, and comparing stories. I said something like "when I was pregnant with Jessie - " but before I could get another word out of my mouth, Jess ran into the room
 "I KNEW IT! I KNEW I WASN'T ADOPTED"...

We laughed until I cried.

That Christmas, Leslie and her family brought this ornament to my Jessica. On the belly of the bejeweled lizard it reads, To Jessica, our favorite lizard princess... We laugh every Christmas as we put it on our tree.

We have talked about it for 10 years now.  It reminds me of so many life lessons... Be careful what you say because words can hurt. God did choose my children for me, one in my heart and two from my belly. Adopted children are planned, chosen, and wanted in this family. All three of my children are adopted by God and loved by me... I thank Him for entrusting me with three of His little wonders.