Hammers kill ceramics, knives ruin stuffed animals, and fire pits were made for cards and pictures

I was not a normal teenage girl...

 okay, insert your joke here... HA HA

What I MEANT to say is that I did not date several guys in high school. I fell in love in the third grade. I came home from church the first time I laid eyes on him and told my mother that I would marry him one day. I felt that way through elementary school, middle school, high school, and part of college. He was the sun in which my planet circled.  I missed some parties and get togethers because I only wanted to be with him. I was at church whenever the door was open because I needed to be with him. I pretended to be interested in certain topics and bored with others because of him. He was the best thing ever.... Then, we broke up. I laid on my floor (literally) for about three days crying. I refused food for a few days. I screamed. I listened to sad love songs and cried. I listened to bouncy love song and cried. I burned things and threw stuff away. Years of memories haunted me and I lived through them looking at pictures over and over. Then one morning, I was good. I bounced back.


All of that to say - it sucked as a hormonal teenage girl

BUT IT SUCKS MORE AS A MOM

Yesterday, my daughter cried. She listened to love songs and cried through them. She couldn't bring herself to eat much supper even though I ordered her favorite meal. We had a funny ceremonial breaking ceramic gifts in the driveway (it was hilarious and she is pretty good with a hammer).


Now I know that she will live through this - I did and am so much better because of it.

I know that she is so young and has so much more to do and live and love.

But watching her heart hurt made me want to hurt him...




So, Thank you to my mother who stood in my doorway and let me cry. Thank you to my mother who laid on the floor beside me. Thank you to my mother who sent me to Georgia for the weekend to have fun and move on. Thank you to my mother who did not remind me that "this was better for me"... She just let me move through it at my own pace.

I am sure it broke her heart too.

Because I am sad today as well

(But for the record - My daughter is amazing! 
When she left for school this morning, 

she promised me that she would 

"rock the day because she is Amanda Sublett's daughter!"

 I love her smile this morning more than ever)

so... I got baptized

some have seen a comment here or there on my facebook wall that I got baptized on Easter Morning this year... I have received some odd private messages and comments, so I wanted to explain why I did.

I vividly remember having a backyard Bible club (similar to VBS) at my home when I was around 8... Mrs. Sylvia Poole led us in a fun week and prayed with us each day asking us to think about asking Jesus into our hearts... On the last day, I told her that I wanted to do it. She led me with a prayer, I jumped off the couch, screamed at my mom "I just asked Jesus into my heart, and now I'm going to throw up!" and I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I remember it like it was yesterday... but I also remember something else.

nothing really changed

I vividly remember my dad going forward and getting saved. I remember talk coming around the church about a baptism service coming on a Sunday night. My mother talked with me about how wonderful it would be for me and my dad to get baptized on the same night. I agreed. I remember climbing down into the water with Rev Ronald Mayers and being dunked.

nothing really changed

I wasn't the worst teen possible... no hard drugs or crazy wild parties... but I was a huge hypocrite. I have no doubt that my double lifestyle of being active in the youth group, dating the youth leaders' son and then being a cusser, crazy mean bully at the high school probably led many teens away from the church. I was the pure definition of a stumbling block.

nothing really changed

However, I wanted to go to college out of state. It was my plan to go to college far away and have a blast... so of course, I went to a Bible college... I wrote an amazing testimony (required for entrance) and was accepted. I left for Georgia and was thrilled at the thought of being "on my own". I went to my first bar, attended my first toga party, stayed out late, took great car trips and had so much fun.

nothing really changed

Then we had spiritual emphasis week... a speaker came and we were required to attend every night. Each night he would give an invitation for people to come forward to get saved. I thought he was an idiot. It was a Bible college... we had to write testimonies just to get it in.... but on the last night, with every eye closed and no one looking around - I started looking around. People had gone forward. I felt so uncomfortable because I knew that it was for me. But I couldn't walk down there because I was sitting with my fun friends... as I looked up, the speaker looked straight at me and with the mic to his mouth said "Are you coming, this is all for you." I ran.... to the front to pray

it finally happened - I began to change

Since that night, I fell in love with my husband, got married, taught high school, taught middle school, have had three children, taught at preschool and grown a lot... still have a bunch of hang up and struggles, but have tried to change. Scott and I have talked a lot about baptism. He felt like I needed to be baptized, and I thought he should mind his own business!

But then I started to pray, really pray about it a few weeks ago. I was having some really deep Biblical conversations with my children and a couple of close friends. I asked a friend to help me pray through it. I told Scott I was considering it. I talked with my teens about it. I met with a pastor about it a couple of times... I knew that when I had been baptized as a teen, I had just gotten wet... it had not been my choice. it was not a symbol of any commitment that I had made.

When Pastor Ryan agreed to baptize me, he told me that he thought I may back out, so he wanted me to come to church dressed and ready to go right when it started... He was a smart man. I was backing out as I got out of bed that morning. Not because I did not think I needed to do it, but because of pride.

I did not want anyone to wonder what I was doing. I have been a Christian for a long time and teach at a Christian preschool... what in the world... But I realized that pride was taking over my commitment and that I need to be more concerned with my submission to God than to what other people thought when they saw me up there...

I changed

Ryan talked with me, then asked Scott to get into the waters with us, and he and Scott laid hands on me and baptized me. Ryan as a pastor and Scott as the spiritual leader in my home...

I still am not perfect. But I am honestly making serious strides and growing and changing my heart. I have struggled with profanity for as long as I can remember... But God is helping me to tame my tongue in a way I have never experienced. I am growing.

So, yes I was baptized... I needed to stand up and say that I have accepted Christ as my Savior and Lord. Ryan also asked me a horribly hard question - "Do you promise to go where He wants you to go and do what He wants you to do..." UGH - that even means giving Him my children... I am trying to give Him everything... all areas, people, and things... This will be a process...

but it happened... I am changing