complex

It's kind of funny when you think about it. Most people who know me consider me to be an extrovert. Well, I am not. I am bigger than life. I am loud. I try to be funny. I am authentic. However, I think I am a lot of these things because I truly am normally uncomfortable. In group settings, I would prefer to stand against the wall or sit on the outside of the circle... but this is usually the time I am expected or asked to perform... be funny.

I think a lot of my anxiety begins with my need to be invisible but my inability to be invisible... isn't that weird?

If I have to be a part of the group, I want to seem smart, witty, fun, likable, and desired... Yet, I would rather not.

Now, these feelings are not with my family... not with my family of 11 (Subman Family). With my family, I want to be right in the middle. I want to hear all of the side conversations. I want to know how everyone is doing and make sure they don't need anything. With my family, I need them to know and believe that I would lay in front of a train for them...


The strange dichotomy of my crazy brain...
In one case - please do not notice me.
In the next case - please don't leave me out.


I am crazy

I know this fact


I guess I am an extroverted introvert with a complex

I saw a sign

I saw a sign the other day...

"You will never look into the eyes of someone that God does not love. Be kind"

This reminder is for when you are sitting at the stoplight. See the man or lady beside your car holding the cardboard sign? I am not suggesting you give money or advice... I am not offering guilt or praise over your choice on how to handle this dilemma... However, God loves them... a kind smile, a wave, an acknowledgement that you see them instead of changing lanes to avoid the awkward stare...

This reminder is for when you are in the huge hurry at the grocery store. See the older gentleman in front of you struggling with his checkbook? He may be flustered. His wife may have always done the shopping and now he has to do it alone. He may be in pain or the years have taken a toll and he simply needs more time. A smile to let him know that you are not angry could bless his entire afternoon as he leaves the store to go home all alone yet again.

This reminder is for when you are in the restaurant. See the mother at her wits end with her toddler? Remember back to what it was like when you just didn't have the will power to cook anything, the fridge was empty, and you just wanted to go out once... but the toddler refused his nap, isn't feeling good, and has decided that all the food you've ordered was not what she wanted... Maybe silly faces to the toddler and a smile to the frazzled mom could brighten her day. Let her know that we have all been there.

This is a reminder when you see signs of protest or anger. See the hurt in their eyes. See the rejection they feel... You do not have to believe what they do. You do not need to comment on their signs or beliefs. No one is asking you to make a religious decision or change your politics. However, God loves them as much as He loves you. A kind smile, a hug, or a listening ear could show them that you care about them even when you disagree.

God gave each of us our own will... Thank goodness we are not all robots. That would be incredibly boring. I understand that "life would be so much easier if everyone just believed like me or did what I wanted".... however, reality is that we live in a mixed up world with a hodge podge of people who all look differently, act differently, and believe differently...

We need to do a better job of being kind, showing respect, and loving regardless... 

at least I know that I do.

SAS

Eight years ago, my husband was blessed to get a job at SAS in Cary, NC. It took months of applying, interviewing, praying, visiting the campus, and waiting... I will never forget standing in the hallway on my preschool when he called me to tell me that he got the job... I jumped up and down, squealed, ran down the hall hollering at all of my friends with excitement. It was a game changer for our family. The salary was not going to be a big change, but the benefits effected our lives greatly... 

Two days later, our family drove onto campus for the first time. It was the annual family night. There were people everywhere. Gourmet food tents, inflatables for the children, live music, dancing, free drinks, pelican snowballs, games similar to the State Fair... we were overwhelmed... 

With everything going on around us, my oldest son (who was 12 at the time) sat up and said "Dang, look at the grass. Perfect rows... This place is beautiful. I would kill to cut this grass. Could I work here one day?"

Of course, we all laughed and said, "who knows, wouldn't that be great?"

Then my son took botany in school and loved it... Then my Eagle Scout found a teacher who was also an Eagle Scout and was willing to give up his planning period to teach my son even more in the greenhouse and called it Botany II... Then my son and his friend started their own lawn service, had shirts made, and agreed to cut more than 15 yards every two weeks... After graduation from high school, my son started working for the Garden Shed... He would work through 100 degree weather, and be upset when it would rain and keep him from working... 

fast forward

This past May, my husband saw on the SAS website that they were hiring for the Landscaping Team. We thought it might be a long shot, but my son really wanted to try... so he applied. He received a call for an interview, however, he was working out of state. So, we started praying. The job recruiter agreed to wait three and a half weeks until my son returned home. We couldn't believe it. He had three interviews.

This past Monday, my son received a life changing phone call... The recruiter called and offered him the job. Soon, my son will cut the grass that he fell in love with over 8 years ago... 

We are beyond proud!

Listen to your children - Let them follow those dreams - 

And celebrate when those dreams become reality!

We have a lot to be thankful for with my son... he has overcome a lot in his life... schooling, expectations, poor choices, and a tragic accident that could have ended his life... but prayer and perseverance have won. In a couple of weeks, he will live his dream.

I love you, my boy... (Whose initials, by the way, are SAS - how cool is that?!?!)