a difficult day for many years

Mother's Day... many mothers will wake up and pretend to continue sleeping while secretly giggling under bedsheets, listening to her children make her breakfast. I have showered and had on make up, then dove back into the bed before... many will open the homemade card and ooo and ahhh over little crafts their small kids made and the lotions/candles the big one bought. Many mothers will be treasured today and will go to bed tonight feeling happy and content.

I am blessed to spend my mother's day like this now... but it was not always like this...

The first five Mother's Days of my marriage, I wanted children desperately... I went to doctors, I saw specialists, I took tests, I had procedures, I even had one miscarriage Mother's Day weekend 1997...

I HATED mother's day... everything about it. I did not want to go to church to sit and watch everyone else stand up and be recognized. I did not think I could make it through one more time of seeing my friends get a rose or flower while I sat there empty handed.

I begged for children. I took pills. I had scheduled sex. I was given a shot once a month to make my body ovulate. I had a few painful procedures. I had to give myself a shot in the thigh every day at 4pm for almost 18 months.

still I endured this holiday with empty arms and a hurting heart...


Because God has other plans. Now, it is easy to look back at everything I did and see God's hand all over it. We were not ready for children - we thought we were, but looking back it is easy to see that HE was right. 1997, well, that was the year Alex was born in a small rural town in Russia. Had we been pregnant, I would have missed out on my first born son.

I have had many friends and ladies walk across my path who are going through infertility... today, I am praying for you. I know what it is like to sit in church today (some years I had to stay home). I know the pain your empty arms bring you.... I am praying that your pain will go away soon...

mine did

In 1997, Alexander was born, and we adopted him in October, 1998... in June 1999, we were blessed with Jessica... and six years later, we were surprised with our Caleb.

I have woken early, packed lunches, healed boo-boos, argued, hugged, and loved intensely every day...

God has a plan... be patient... you will not see it all work out... just one day, you will realize that "it" is all better... all the way God planned...

Happy Mother's Day