thoughts of the past

so many things have changed for me this year... some days I say most are great...

some days I think that some are rough...

but I am learning a could of things as well...

 

1) joy is a CHOICE

2) sometimes whether something is good or bad is up to PERSPECTIVE

 

At the beginning of 2012, I was thrilled with the strong amount of close friends I thought I had. I had several little groupings of friends who got together and enjoyed dinners out and fun time. I loved my job. I enjoyed my home. I was expectant of a wonderful year in many ways.

 

At the beginning of 2012, I was ashamed of myself physically. I knew that I had tried in many ways to change my body and was feeling hopeless. I was frustrated with our search for a church that could meet the needs of my teenagers spiritually and socially. I was wanting a change. I was not hopeful that I would find success in either area.

 

Throughout my year, many things happened both to me and around me. I have found a wonderful home for my children in a church that had been under my nose for over 10 years. Scott and I are adjusting to the many changes that it brings and are finding a home there. I am continuing to enjoy our home and working to continue to fix the things as they come up in our 35+ old home. I am enjoying a re-kindling of sorts with friends of my past and sad to see some friendships fade. I am reminded that 2013 is coming and it will bring more changes.

 

So much of my blog and most of my thoughts over the last six months have been concerned with my weight loss...  It has been a topic of huge importance to me and my immediate family. I am healthier than I thought possible. I weigh less today than I did the day I got married in 1993. At this moment, I am wearing a pair of pj bottoms from my mother Christmas morning that are size medium, and they fit. I enjoy getting out of the house and playing with my kids. I enjoy shopping for myself for the first time in my marriage. I now shop weekly with a friend and actually try on clothing and laugh in a dressing room. So much about the weight loss has been wonderful and fun... just yesterday, I was shopping with my kids (yes, all three of them - I had a temporary brain loss). When my daughter was complaining that her jeans were a little loose... we discovered that they were MINE... she was devastated - I LAUGHED and GIGGLED for the rest of the day... who would have thought that would have ever happened!?!?

 

however, the weight loss has come at a price.

 

I am ending 2012 feeling better about myself and feeling more confident. I am ending this year having found a youth group for my teens that they love. My little professor has a Sunday School teacher who "gets" his little professor-self and is learning how to teach him creatively and he loves her. I am ending 2012 continuing to work with an amazing group of ladies whom I love and keep me on my toes. I am ending the year with my husband of over 19 years and falling in love with him again even today. I am ending 2012 with three healthy, challenging, funny, quirky, silly, loud children. I will finish this year with so much to be thankful for and happy over.

 

however, I will end this year with a sense that several friendships have changed. I have tried to teach my children over the years that friendships are like roller coasters. I have blogged about it before. I have told my sweet daughter that her best friends of today may be not as close tomorrow. Friendships will strengthen and fade in cycles. It will be fun and it will hurt.... yet, nothing prepared me for it as an adult. I have seen several friendships fade this year, and their leaving hurts me still. I hope that 2013 will bring us all back together, and it will bring us back stronger than ever.

 

I read a book several years ago titled "Boundaries". A wonderful friend gave me the book as I was walking through a very hard time. I have picked the book back up this month... I think it is a wonderful reminder that I choose to be content. I choose to be happy. I choose.

 

So, as 2013 rides in this week for a thrilling, wild, twelve month ride....

I choose to be expectant.

I choose to look towards the horizon with happiness and a prayer for those close to me.

 

2013 will be amazing... I just know it!