Satan is good

So I had a great weekend... Prayed a lot... Grew... relaxed... laughed.. really sought after God and found Him in a big way...

then Monday came

I had a rough afternoon... kids were grouchy, traffic stunk, the youngest fought me to take a bath, the oldest sneaked all kinds of snacks and mess to his room, the middle has play practice until 9pm that lasted until after 10pm, I was stressed and trying to pay bills, Scott had to work "past 7" than ended up being past 11pm...

then I gave up and went to bed... only to have a terrible nightmare...

brief synopsis

Scott came home from working late, we were talking... the older two kids woke up...

then, I learned that he was cheating on me and had been for over 2 years...

He smiled and laughed about it in my face

things that he said touched all of my insecurities

"I married you and then you got fat. Now, you have lost all the weight

but look worse because you are so flabby - why would I

stay with you"

when I started crying and screaming, he left out the door

my parents walked across the street and my

father says "why wouldn't he leave? have you seen yourself?"

 

 

I woke up crying... drank some water... calmed down... laid back down

 

dreamed the EXACT same dream a second time. Got up and washed my face.

Then went back to bed again.

 

 

dreamed the EXACT same dream a third time but with some added details at the end...

I gave up and got up into the shower.

 

 

 

Satan knew that I was in a good place. He knew where my insecurities lie. He attacked every one of them... He got my focus off of God and back onto me.

 

Satan is smart.

 

But, God is better and smarter... Now I know that plan of attack, I am ready. I wish I could tell you that I was not defeated yesterday, but I was...

 

but I will not be defeated today.... no, not today.