reflection

Today is a day of reflection
 Each year I take a day during the summer and think about my world...
not "THE WORLD" but just the little part that involves me.

Last year, I had a huge "epiphany"... I decided that I was old enough, mature enough, fortunate enough, rich enough, and successful enough to do what I wanted when I wanted... Now, when I read that in print, it looks horrible... I assure you that I have not cast care and Christianity to the wind and started only eating beef, listening to Trace Adkins, never shaving my legs, and watching Family Jewels on TV constantly... although that would be quite a life! What I meant was that I would no longer be controlled by guilt. I would do things because I wanted to do them or because I needed to do them... not because someone tried to manipulate me into doing the task. I lived 38 years under a certain type of control. I am determined to not allow my children to waste that much time under manipulation. I started eating at restaurants that I wanted to eat at and not always saying "wherever you want is fine" in order to keep the peace. I started saying no thank you when I did not want to go somewhere. I deleted my facebook - then decided that was silly, so I came back and deleted over 300 people who I had not seen, talked to, heard from, or had any desire to in over a year. My family is very aware of this conscious decision. We call it "epiphany 20-10"! I have loved every bit of it. It is extremely freeing. I have only regret that I had not had an "epiphany 1993" when I got married and was supposed to "leave and cleave".

This year is similar... I am reflecting today. I am certainly not letting go to last year's epiphany, but I want to put a positive spin on it for 2011. I am a happy person today because of last year's reflection. I am content. I am complete. I am full. I love the people I choose to have around me. It is a good place to be. There are things in my life I would like to change. No one's life could be pure bliss.

However, I am in the best place of my lifetime.
Today, I am 40 years old.

Twenty years ago, I would have thought that at 40 my life would be darn near over. Yet, I look at it now as just starting to roll correctly.  I am confident that this next year of my life will bring challenges and maybe a few hard moments - however, I am even more confident that I can kick those moments in the tail. I am 40 years old, and I have earned every wrinkle and lump. In fact, I think I love them.
The scars may not be beautiful, but without them I would not be who I am today.

Today, I am 40... And tomorrow will be another day that I will conquer when it arrives.